I want to know.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are orbiting the sun. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from it's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon...YES!

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done for the needy.

It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you can stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me what or where or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

- - - Don't judge me for who I am, rather see me for the person I can become - - -

Loneliness.


Is being out of touch with yourself

Denying your innermost need by pretending it doesn't exist

Defying what you desperately want to accept

Exchanging tenderness for bitterness

Causing unnecessary alienation all for the sake of pride

Life's lessons.

Life Lessons

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will get hurt as well in the process.

I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that it's more important in understanding the intentions of the act rather than the act itself.

I've learned that people would rather believed you're out to harm them rather than you're out to aid them.

I've learned that people are naturally selfish.

I've learned most people are usually perceived and judged by first impression.

I've learned that even if you have a license to kill, it does not necessitate you to go out and kill everybody you despised.

I've learn that true happiness is found is the man who is most contented.

I've learned that true serenity is about letting go. . .'



Spiritual Teacher/Spiritual Seeker


A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes that he is lost. He spots a person on the ground, reduces his altitude, and shouts, "Hey! Can you tell me where I am?"

The person below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above this field."

The balloonist says, "You must work as a spiritual teacher."

"I do," replies the person, "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is true enough, but it's of no use at all."

The person below said, "You must be a spiritual seeker."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the person, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help you. You're in the same position you were in before we met, but now it's my fault!"

When should you pay for a woman?

***DATING QUESTION FROM A READER***


I have a question concerning dating and when/when not to pay for stuff. At what point (if any)should I pay for both of us when dating? I don't want to get the woman into the mindset of"courtship." What should a man pay for when he's dating?

Sincerely,
M.


>>>MY COMMENTS:


This is a common dilemma that most men face...

"To pay or not to pay, that is the question."

Here are some of the problems that "paying"creates:

1. It sets you up as the one who is "pursuing" the woman, which symbolically gives away your power to her.

2. It can be expensive.

3. It usually causes women to play even "harder to get".

4. It triggers all kinds of "courtship" behaviors. Like her making you prove yourself, waiting to have sex, etc.

5. The places you'll be going to "pay" are often not the best places to actually get to know another human being. Movies, fancy dinners, etc., aren't natural environments and they don't lead to people "being themselves".

So, what's the alternative?

Well, the FIRST thing you should do is CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT "DATING"... and "paying".

Most guys just naturally assume that if they're"taking a girl out" that they need to take her to a show or movie, a nice dinner, etc.

And by the way, this is actually part of a much BIGGER issue... that most guys feel OBLIGATED to give things to women, buy them things... and basically PAY for their attention and affection.

Of course, these are basically the WORST places to go with a woman in the beginning because, as I mentioned above, they aren't very "natural" places to be.

Instead of asking a woman "out to dinner", try this...

When you're talking on the phone about getting together say, "Let's meet for a cup of tea. This way, if YOU turn out to be a complete freak, I can run away easily."

This will get a laugh, and it will get her thinking to herself, "Wow, this guy is qualifying ME."

Also, suggest a place that's close to your house, in case you want to invite her over afterward.

When you meet for tea, actually drink tea (or iced tea). Because coffee makes your breath nasty and tea is perceived as a more "classy" drink. It's also cheaper than a latte or a mocha.

After you have tea for 30 or 60 minutes, decide how YOU like HER. If you want to continue say either:

"Hey, let's keep talking. I want to shop for abit, come along."
...or...
"Hey, let's keep talking. Where are you parked? You can follow me..." (to your place, of course).

In either case, just assume that she will go along with whatever you're doing, and she almost always will if you're doing a good job of being cocky & funny and keeping her attention.

If you do go out "shopping", go to a funky alternative shopping complex that has tattoo shops, record stores, ethnic food restaurants, etc. Every shopping complex usually has an area like this, so go there.

These places are SO GREAT because they have fun and interesting conversation BUILT RIGHT IN.

If things are going well, and you're enjoying the time with her, you can then have her follow you over to your place. Again, just tell her that you're enjoying the conversation, and that you'd like to continue... and for her to follow you.

Total expense (if you pay for her tea and yours):

A few bucks.

How much better is this than taking her out to an expensive meal and trying to have a normal conversation across a table while being forced to look right at each other all night?

You do the math.

If you actually do a little creative thinking, you can figure out ALL KINDS of great things to do that cost little or no money at all when you go out with women.

Extra bonus:

When you don't do "normal" dating things, women will tend to play "hard to get" less.

They'll expect less in the way of gifts and money spent on them and they'll actually HAVE MORE FUN.

Really.

Afraid of women?

What prevents men from being successful with women?

Well, the list goes on and on... but one of the elements that TOPS the list is FEAR.

There are many different situations that make men feel fear, but I'd like to talk about some of the most common ones... and what to do about them.

First of all, I'd like you to be honest for a moment about this topic.

Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women and dating?

Have you ever seen a woman that you'd really like to meet, but you started to feel fear and didn't do anything about it?

Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to kiss a woman... but you felt too afraid because you didn't want to make a mistake and screw up your chances?

Or maybe you even got a woman's phone number,but you were too afraid to call back because you didn't know how to start off the conversation or ask her out?

Come on, seriously...

Have you ever been sitting there with the phone in your hand, dialing a woman's number, but you had to hang up because you were just too nervous to even talk to her...?

Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought that you just decided it would be better to forget the whole idea and hope for the best...?
Me too. Quite a number of times, in fact.

Coping with fear wasn't exactly something I was born talented at, I had to learn it the hard way.

By the way, it's not exactly FUN to admit that you're afraid of things.

I'm sure you know that most guys would rather admit in public that they were unsure about their sexual orientation than that they were afraid of women.

Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you have a problem IN THE FIRST PLACE only makes matters worse...

If you don't admit that you have the problem, then it's hard to get help and answers to it.

Well, the good news is that you're not alone.

Almost every guy I've known (including myself)has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.

So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your need to deny that you're afraid. Just admit that you're afraid, and come to grips with the fact that you're human...

STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get this particular area of your life handled.

STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Once you realize that it's not that big of a deal, then the improvement can start. On the other hand, if you just stay in denial about it, you'll probably just look for new tricks and techniques to use on women... which, of course, won't lead to any REAL improvement.

I personally think that one of the biggest causes of fear when it comes to situations with women is:

PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR SITUATION.

To put it in different words, most guys don't take action because they're afraid that they'll screw up, or that the woman or others around will judge them.

The REAL problem though is that this whole process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that they'd like to meet. Before they even have a chance to think about the situation rationally, they've become nervous, insecure, and upset.

I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways that aren't exactly useful for the situations that we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways of thinking that just aren't useful at all for what we'd like to accomplish.

Here's something that I realized a few years ago when I was learning for myself how to be successful with women...

I thought about this idea that I was having this instant, automatic fear in different situations with women, and that what I was really thinking was "I don't want to screw this up" and"I don't want her to think that I'm a moron"...

And all of a sudden something dawned on me:

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me.

I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.

So, I started to remind myself as often as possible that the fear wasn't happening because there was any kind of danger... and that my objective in a particular situation wasn't to have it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.

Think about the difference between doing something because it's important vs. doing something in order to LEARN.

So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I wanted to meet... instead of thinking, "OK, I have to say something charming and original so she'll like me... and if I screw up I'm going to be embarrassed" - I began to think things like, "I'm going to learn how to get a woman's phone number within a few minutes of meeting her... and part of learning this is going to be trying a lot of different things that probably aren't going to work... but in the end, it's all going to even out because I'm going to have the SKILL that I want."

See the difference?

Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to do and try things that I never would have tried in the past for fear of screwing up...

All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to learn something from this and improve my skills...and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS PARTICULAR situation", I was able to improve very rapidly.

And the more I began to apply this idea, the more success I had in ALL areas with women... from the first meeting, to getting them to go out with me, to taking things to a physical level.

So do this:

Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with a woman.

I don't care if she's attractive or not.

But instead of having the objective of getting a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.

In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go spend a day starting conversations with women, but make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers or dates all day.

In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you can't date any of the women that you meet that day.

See if you can just learn how to do a few simple things like say, "Hi" to every woman that walks by... how to maintain eye contact with women until THEY look away... and how to end a conversation "too soon" so she feels a natural vacuum and tries to keep it going herself...

That's one good idea for dealing with your fears.

Read this if you're very nice to women...

Are Women Attracted To "Nice" Guys? >QUICK NOTE: As you've probably already guessed,women are NOT usually ATTRACTED to "nice" guys. If you're too much of a nice guy, and you'd like to learn how to communicate with women in a way that makes them feel ATTRACTION for you, then do yourself a huge favor, and read THIS now: ***QUESTION*** Hey bro... I recently began reading ur stuff because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her. You are probably busy but Im going to give you the background story of this and maybe you will have some specific advice for me. I met this girl M. in July through a friend online. We got to know each other some and after a few weeks she came to watch my friend and I at a basketball game that we were playing in, and I met her in person briefly that day. Unfortunately, I did not see her in person again that time because I was back to college soon, so we talked more online and it went very well. We really seemed to hit it off and had a lot in common and we were definitely good friends. I made her laugh a lot as we both said and did a lot of silly things (she likes that kind of stuff) and we continued to talk and get to know a lot about each other. I was very supportive of her and she was the same for me and showed a lot of interest in what I had to say. She wanted my phone number here at college and I gave it to her, and we began to talk a few times in the evening by phone too. She also wanted my mailing address here and sent me a package with a card and some goodies that were related to some inside jokes we have with each other. This is when I decided that I wanted to be more than a friend to her and make a move to tell her subtly my intentions. I just told her that i thought she was really cool and since we have alot in common I was wondering if she wanted to go out sometime when I got back home for break. She really didnt have much of a reaction one way or the other and just said that it would be fun. Well gradually things escalated and we spent more and more time talking to each other online and by phone, and we exchanged pictures and packages all the time and I opened up to her more and more and told her how I felt for her. I sent her roses to congratulate her and she liked that a lot. She is somewhat of a quiet shy girl, but she is really nice but also very hesitant. She has never been in a relationship before, and the funny thing is that this is true more or less for me too. I continued to tell her my feelings for her more and she would only say that she felt the "same" or "me too". She said that she was worried that when I got to meet her more when i was home my feelings would not be the same. So talking till nearly Christmas, it was to the point where we knew almost everything about each other that we could talk about, and I was really showering her with attention and compliments (I know, according to your teaching this is wrong haha) and she just said that we have to wait and see. I teased her telling her that there were some dreams I had but would have towait to tell her how they ended, and she said she would eventually open up to me. Well we got together finally over my Christmas break and I went over to their house for the evening after dinner (i bought....youre probably saying "doh") and we watched movies. Their family seems to like me alot by the way, and I have talked to M.'s sister and mother on occasions before this. I asked if i could put my arm around her and she let me, and then before i went home we went for a short walk and I held her hand to "keep it warm". Before I got into the car she gave me a hug and I invited her over for tomorrow, and that since we are an hour away from each other's house she could stay the night to save time. So we had a good time on Thursday and she met my family, and we played games and movies and such, and I said she could sit with me in my couch where it was warmer and she accepted. After the movie was done at about 2:30 am, I shut it off and we just lay there reclining. I started to stroke her arm and gently rub her hands, and then i went to her face and neck and hair, once in a while whispering in her ear and saying she smelt and looked good. She just lightly giggled, and rest her head on my chest but she didnt really do any touching herself, but we got out of the chair at 6 am and slept till 9am and got up and had a fun day again playing games and I showed her around town. We played footsie underneath the card table some but again it was pretty much myself doing all the showing of affection. We had a candle lit dinner that night and I asked her if her doubts had been answered yet, and she said she knew how I felt but that I needed to get to know her more and that she just was hesitant and not able to open up as much as I am yet. She sat in the couch with me again Friday night and it was more of the same and then she went to bed at 3, but I couldnt sleep that night because I really wondered if I was maybe being too serious and forward for her. She wanted up at 6:15and so I woke her up touching her face, and we lay in my bed for about an hour with more of the same of me touching her, and then it came time for her to get ready and say goodbye. I had asked her on several occasions over the week at what I felt was the right time if she wanted to know how my dream ended (which we both know what it is hehe) but she said not yet and maybe later. I had written her a long note that night since I didnt sleep and I gave that to her out by her car and she gave me another hug and off she went. I flew back out to school Saturday morning and I have been pretty sad, both because I miss her and because Im not sure if she feels the same way I do. It seems like she likes all the attention Im giving her that she has never gotten before, but only seems to reciprocate the same things I say and she does not open up to me nearly like i have to her. So i have decided I need to probably try another approach and start applying your methods and see if that gets me anywhere. I will be home for a break in a few weeks and Im hoping that she will start opening up to me then, otherwise im not sure I want to continue to keep giving myself to her like I have if she wont do the same. She does give me a lot of her time so I know she is interested, but I want her to start really being into me the way I have shown her. So Ive been reading your stuff and I think I need to loosen up and tease her a little more and not shower her with compliments, maybe once in a while, and I need to start talking to her less. I think I need to be a little more indifferent but Im just not sure what exactly to do as far as how sweet i am supposed to be to her, and the right kind of attitude i need to have. I think I need to let my cocky and funny side come out more but I dont want her to think I am not interested in her or that I am a prick. Im thinking that I need to realize less is more, and give her opportunities and such but make it sparingly and focus more on just being a fun person. Its been almost 5 months knowing her and theres a lot more I could say as far as details, but Im wondering that from what you can get out of this if you have any specific advice for me? I appreciate it a lot man, and thanx for all the post! Talk to you later. -Confused- The Answer. You might want to sit down for this. Sit on a chair with ARMS on it so you don't fall off, OK? It's VERY clear to me that you've become VERY emotionally attached to this girl... and that you like her very much (women all over the world are reading this right now and crying...) And I know that when you really, really, REALLY like a girl, "things are different". I know that this one is different from ALL of the others... and that you don't want to risk doing something wrong with her... so you're not using any of the materials that you're learning from me... In fact, you're saving the things you've learned from me for "later"... just in case what you're doing doesn't work in the end. And even though I'm going to verbally beat your ass for all of this in a moment, I want to let you know that I really do understand. By the way, I'm only being this nice because it sounds like you're still pretty young, and have almost ZERO experience with women. So don't get too used to this "kid politeness" stuff from me. Next time you write, I'm just going to launch and beat the crap into it. OK. Here's how your letter started: "I recently began reading you're stuff because I have met a girl that i am really into and I must make it work with her." I smelled trouble before I was finished reading that first sentence, man. Here's what my gut tells me: You sound DESPERATE. You sound like the affection-starved human male equivalent of a hungry homeless kitten. It's also clear to me that somewhere along the line in your life you got the idea that if you want to make a woman like you, that you should ACT and BEHAVE like a woman. This is a problem. From your perspective (which I understand a little too well from your detailed letter), it ALMOST looks like she might like you. I mean, she's replying to everything you do in a "mirror image" kind of way. She's not stopping you. And sometimes she does something nice in return when you're sweet and thoughtful... But you can FEEL that something just isn't quite "right" here. Again, it ALMOST looks like she might like you... and when you're in this situation, even small hints seem like they could be "the big clue" that lets you know that she is just as in love as you are. But my guess is that this situation is much worse than you think. In fact, I think that there's a very good chance that it's so bad... so, so bad... that it's probably a waste of time to try to "save" it. I think that the "hints" you're getting from her are the behaviors of a sweet girl who doesn't like the idea of hurting you. In other words, she's probably as far from "into you" as a girl can be... but she loves you as a friend, and cares about you as a person... so she can't bring herself to look you in the eyes and say, "Hey, you're acting like a girl and you've destroyed all chances of me ever feeling any type of ATTRACTION for you". Hell, probably she doesnt even know why she's not feeling attraction for you. Probably she think's " He's so nice to me and all, this is the of guy I should be liking and all, but why am I not feeling a thing?" By the way, I'm about to give you some good ideas for your situation, but the bottom line is that you need to work on yourself on a DEEP level. So let's talk about some of the things you've mentioned in your email... The first thing that comes to mind is how much ATTENTION you give her. In the moment, giving someone attention SEEMS like a great thing. They usually seem to enjoy it, and you know you're getting approval from them because they're still talking to you. The other little "hidden bonus" of giving someone a lot of attention, is that you know they're not getting it from SOMEONE ELSE during the time that you're giving it to them... Which gives many people a false sense of security. Heavy, man. But I think it's time you started thinking of this topic a little differently. Think of attention, compliments, physicalaffection and emotional attachment like FIREWOOD. A little at a time is perfect. But if you put it all on at once, you're going to burn the house down and destroy everything. When you give a woman too much attention, you are communicating that you're OBSESSED and DESPERATE. In other words, you're almost the OPPOSITE of a CHALLENGE. Have you ever heard a woman say "I just met this really sensitive, thoughtful, sweet guy that calls me 100 times a day and sends me flowers and cards and gifts... and I just can't stop thinkingabout him..."? No? Me neither. Well actually I've heard it from this girl who was a 1out of 10...but well it doesnt really matter does it? Surprise, surprise. Women aren't INTO guys who are obsessed with them. Women are INTO guys who are interesting, mysterious, challenging... guys who trigger ATTRACTION in them, not AFFECTION. Here's how YOUR mind is working right now: "It feels good, so do it." "She seems to enjoy it, so keep it up." "I don't want to lose her, so I must continue to smother her with attention." "This is the only chance I get, so I must take it to the max." "If I don't do something, some other guy will, and I'll be heartbroken." Don't worry, this is how MOST guys think and act. Hell, I used to do this stuff once upon a time... But here's what's probably going on in HER mind: "He's always there whenever I want to talk." "He's such a sweet, nice, caring guy." "Maybe if I keep talking to him I'll feel something..." "...But for some reason... I just don't FEEL IT for him... and I can't make myself feel it..." "I don't want to hurt him, so I'd better be niceto him." Well I hope she hasn't find you to be irritating and annoying yet. She probably feels a lot of guilt... because maybe she is thinking that she "led you on". Here's something for you to think about: "Getting KILLS Wanting" If someone gets something, or even knows that they HAVE IT whenever they want it, that thing becomes much less interesting to them. As a rule, we humans desire things that aren't easy to get. We don't want the easy thing! Just think about it, man. The more you don't know how she feels about you, and the more you try... the more you WANT HER. It's working on YOU, but you can't see it! Here's the bottom line: Going with your emotions, and confessing your love for a girl too early on isn't always as "good" as it "seems" like it should be. If you smother her with too much attention, she's going to run from you and go find a challenging guy sooner or later. Let's asume you get really lucky and she agree's to be with you and stuff... I can be damn sure she's only agreeing because she doesn't know how to turn you down. And eventually she's gonna leave you soon enough due to the reason of no feelings. She's giving you all the "I really like you, you're a sweet guy, I can't bear to break your heart, and I DON'T FEEL IT FOR YOU" signals. You need to carefully consider your situation, and decide what you REALLY want. She doesn't have experience with men, relationships, and life. And from the sounds of it, neither do you. You're acting on emotion here. You're not THINKING. I didn't hear you say "Yea, well I've thought this over, and it makes a lot of sense for her and I to be together..." You're acting like a typical WUSSBAG, dude. It's time to face that reality... If you were in a court of law right now trying to prove that you weren't a WUSSY, you would not be able to provide even a shred of evidence to support your case. If the jury was made up of your Mom, Juliet(Romeo's girlfriend), Celine Dion, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Michael Jackson, even THEY would reach an UNDISPUTED verdict: WUSSY! They might even ask you to provide evidence that you're MALE... based on your testimony here. And you've only got yourself to thank for it. You did it all. Here's something for you to remember: Attention from a man can be like a DRUG for a woman... even if she isn't attracted to him. A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion... even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself. And if you have a young woman who has never been in a relationship with a guy, this could be an even BIGGER probability. I don't have to explain why. Here's my guess: 95% chance she's not into you. 5% chance she is into you, but she's just too young, inexperienced, shy, or whatever to know what to do about it... or maybe she has some kind of strange religious perception that has brainwashed her into thinking that she needs to marry you before kissing you. But doubtful. You're in one hell of a of a situation. You're emotionally attached to this girl, and you "like-like" her. She's emotionally attached to you, but she most likely DOES NOT "like-like" YOU. What you do here is your choice, but the chances of something working out are slim-to-none, because you didn't create ATTRACTION at the beginning with this girl. And even if there were some sparks initially,your Wussy behavior has almost surely killed them all off for good. SOME GOOD NEWS Now that I've dealt you the bad news, let's talk about the future. Let's talk about what you can learn from this experience. And let's talk about how to use what you've learned to make your life great in the future. And who knows, maybe after you get your act together, and this girl gets a little bit of life and relationship experience, you just might get lucky and meet her in an airport and she'll forget what a girly-man you used to be... Actually, probably not. But it was a nice thought. In the future, if you are "interested" in a girl, you must remember to be a MAN around her. Women feel ATTRACTION for "MEN". On the other hand. they feel AFFECTION for "nice guys" that wind up becoming FRIENDS. Instead of waiting until the very end, when you are convinced that a woman isn't into you, before doing what you're learning from me... do it from the BEGINNING. You must SPARK the ATTRACTION right from the start. You can't wait until the end, man. What you were doing was like trying to take all the ingredients of a cake and bake them, then mix them. It doesn't work that way. In the future, you need to do the right things, in the right order. You've learned a valuable lesson. So appreciate what you've learned... even though it's hard. You're off to a good start now that you've read my stuff and all... but it really sounds to me like you need to REPROGRAM YOUR MIND. It sounds like you need a complete overhaul of your thinking and mentality. It sounds like you need a major DE-WUSSING,followed by a ground-up education on how to think, act, and communicate in a way that makes women feel ATTRACTION for you... Take it from me... I've been in your shoes. I know what it feels like to be doing every possible thing and giving as much as humanly possible... only to have a girl respond by saying "I don't know how I feel" or "I just think we should be friends". It sucks. Once you've reached to that level, it's gonna be really hard to repair it. But it doesn't have to be this way!

Things can change. It's probably high time that you began changing.

Check this out, you might just realise your mistake.

Question.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now but I don't seem to be able to get to the next level. There is no question that she likes me since she keeps calling and suggesting to do things together. However, she insists on bringing up that she's gotten hurt in the past which apparently makes it hard for her to trust guys. According to me that is pretty damn dumb; we've all been hurt, haven't we. GET OVER IT! Anyway, my question to you is, how do I earn her trust? Are there any shortcuts? Help me out here bro!

Answer.

My guess:

You're probably acting like a WUSSY with her, and she doesn't feel any ATTRACTION for you.

She's probably hanging in there, hoping that SOME kind of feelings will develop for you... but it's not working.

Look, when a woman says:

"I only like you as a friend"

...or...

"I've been hurt, so I want to take this slow"

...or...

"I like you so much, I don't want to lose you as a friend"

...or any of the million variations of these things, it USUALLY means that you're not doing the things it takes to create ATTRACTION.

She doesn't FEEL IT for you.

And if she doesn't FEEL IT, then there ARE NO shortcuts, my man.

Stop being such a "nice" guy, and start doing the things you're learning from me to spark some CHEMISTRY!


Now let me answer the question of how to make a women fascinated by you.
This is a very very very FAQ.

I've learned a secret to impressing women that I'm going to share with you in this post.

It's a secret that probably not 1 in 1,000 men knows or will ever figure out on his own.

The REASON that most men will never figure out this particular secret is that it's TOO OBVIOUS.

Let me explain... I personally think that most men feel a very powerful desire to IMPRESS women. If you watch the way a man behaves when he's talking to a woman he's just met or a woman that he's on a first date with, you can SEE IT.

Maybe you've been there yourself. I know I have. The feeling that you need to impress a woman usually comes along with another feeling:

DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

Here are some of the signs that a guy is feeling the need to "impress" the woman that he's talking to:

1) He tries to only say "cool" things, or things that will "impress" the woman.

2) He acts nervous and stilted during the conversation... sometimes coming across as"formal" or probably awkward...

3) He tries to figure out what the woman wants to hear.

4) If he says something that the woman doesn't like, he "back-pedals" and tries to change what he said to suit the woman.

5) He doesn't say anything "risky", doesn't tease the woman, and doesn't do anything to upset her.

...in other words, when a guy is talking to a woman that he "likes", he's usually on his "best behavior", and he's trying to "put his best foot forward".

To say it again, MEN FEEL A POWERFUL DRIVE TO IMPRESS THE WOMAN THAT THEY "LIKE".

And this drive to impress often makes them act UNNATURAL. There's your first hint, in fact...


THE SECRET


Remember at the beginning when I told you that I was going to share a secret with you about how to impress women that not 1 in 1,000 men will figure out on their own? Well, here it is:

STOP TRYING.

If you will just STOP TRYING to impress women,and do the things I'm teaching you instead, women will NATURALLY be "impressed" by you.

TRYING TO IMPRESS A WOMAN DOESN'T IMPRESS HER. So let's break this down...

WHY IMPRESSING WOMEN IS THE WRONG ROAD?

What's wrong with trying to "impress" women, anyway? To start with, EVERYTHING.

When you intentionally try to impress a woman, you send the following messages on a "subtle" level:

1) I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I will try to "impress" you instead.

2) I'm not comfortable enough around women to just act normal.

3) I don't have a lot of experience with attractive women.

4) I'm insecure.

5) I don't know how to make women feel comfortable with me.

Ouch. But it's the truth.

Women can TELL INSTANTLY when you're "trying".

The conversation doesn't feel "normal", your body language is strange, and you can't seem to have a regular conversation. Now of course, I've just described the way that about 99.9999% of men act when they're first talking to a woman that they "like".

Are you ready for a profound insight? Here goes... MOST MEN DO THIS WITH MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMEN MOST OF THE TIME. IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S OLD NEWS. IT'S BORING. IT'S PREDICTABLE. AND IT DOES NOT IMPRESS AT ALL.

The bottom line is that trying to impress a woman usually has the OPPOSITE effect. It not only makes you look like a nervous guy who can't make normal conversation... it also bores the hell out of women.


WHAT TO DO INSTEAD


OK, so you're out having a cup of tea with a beautiful woman you just met a few days before... She asks you what you do for a living. Should you answer with:

1) "Well, I'm an engineer for a software company that makes sophisticated vector widget plotting algorithms. I've been with them for three years,and I'm about to be promoted to ALGORITHM MANAGER."

2) "I do stunt work. Have you ever seen it in a movie when a hot actor has to reveal his naked ass? That's my job." ...

Well, it all depends on what your outcome is. If you want to try and IMPRESS the girl with your cool high-tech job, then #1 will work just fine.

Unfortunately, it won't impress her at all, and it will make you sound like a jackass who is trying to sound cool. If you want to ACTUALLY impress her, try #2. Most men don't have the BALLS to say something like this when a woman asks a "serious" question like "What do you do?".

If you REALLY want to make a long-lasting impression, KEEP THE HUMOR GOING.

She'll say "No, really... what do you do?".

Answer with: "No, really. Haven't you ever seen it when an actor needs a stunt ass? I mean hey... someone's got to do it".

Now, I can't possibly go into all the reasons why it's a HUGE MISTAKE to try to impress a woman, or to feel like everything you say should be"impressive".

There are MANY reasons for this. MORE IMPORTANTLY, there are a few things you can do that will INSTANTLY impress a woman...and I mean REALLY impress her.

But these things aren't OBVIOUS. The most IMPORTANT thing you can do toIMPRESS a woman is make her feel a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you. This feeling will stay with her long after you have left and gone home.

And it's the one thing that will make women pursue YOU... and try to impress YOU.

What's the best way to do this?
1) Stop trying to IMPRESS women!!!


Stop now!!!

Question.

Now... everyone has problems, and I'm usually strong enough to handle them.

However, within the law of attraction should you never be "weak"?

Hard call for a sensitive soul. What's the balance here?


Answer.

To answer your question "Should you ever be weak?", I say:

Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.

If a woman sees you as a "weak man", then trying to "be strong" will never work. You will only come across as a weak guy who's trying to"act strong".

On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a"real man"... one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a "weak moment" later on and actually have a woman respond in a very powerful, positive way.

In other words, if you're perceived as a "real man", then you can do whatever you want, and it will be perceived as part of that personality.

But if you are perceived as a "weak man", then NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman.

And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman's head.

Once you're thought of as a weak, nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman.

And it's not coming back on anytime soon.

So, the big question is, how do you project this "real man" image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?

Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being a mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.

This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.


Question.

Thank you, is all that I have to say. I'm doing better now than in college since I LET myself get wussified over the past few years. I can now, cold-turkey, walk up to just about any woman I want to, and bust her friggin' balls with a straight face and a slight smirk.

Their defense shields melt before my eyes. But, alas, I have a question. It seems when I'm meeting women, within an hour or so, I usually end up making out with them or touching them all over ...while they kiss and touch me back of course.

Getting numbers isn't enough. I want to advance the meeting from the bar or the party straight to the bed-room without all the email and phone call. What is the best way of doing that?

Also....after making out with this one chick I met, after meeting her in a parking lot at some famous delicasy place (go figure), she emails me back a week later saying she wants to pursue friendship first and get to know me. It seems I am perhaps being too agressive. How can I be agressive yet sly about it? Any help would be great. I love this stuff!


Answer.

To answer your first question, about how to skip all the emails, calling, and "dating" and go straight to the bedroom...

Do two things:

1) Don't focus on "the bedroom". Focus on taking things to the next step... and the next... and the next.

2) As soon as you meet a woman, treat it like you're going on a date together.

Let me explain.

If you meet a girl you really like, spark some major chemistry, start kissing her, etc. you're probably going to get some resistance if you look at her and say "OK, let's leave your friends here and go back to my place so I can FUCK you".

That's just a hunch. Worry not.

But, if you meet her, spark the attraction, start kissing, and then say... "Hey, come with me", and then take her hand and lead her to another part of the club or bar... or take her to the dance floor... or some combination... and then start kissing again... and then stop (two forward,one back)... and then say, "Hey, I'm going to this other bar, come along with me"... and then once you're there you continue, all the way until closing, when you say, "Hey, let's keep talking...this is fun. Give me a ride home..." etc., etc.,etc....

I think you can see where I'm going with this.

A woman wants to feel that things are developing naturally, not that you are just trying to get her into bed as fast as you can.

If the evening unfolds in a normal, natural way, and you can progress from one level to the next, you'll do very well and go very far.

Why do you lead her to another part of the club, and then take her somewhere else?

Physically leading a woman is VERY powerful, and leaving together/showing up somewhere else together changes things. When you arrive at the new place, even though you're the same two people that just met, you're now TOGETHER at the new place.

And when you suggest continuing to talk, and her giving you a ride home (or some variation), it's not like saying "Come fuck me". You're making it clear that you want to spend time with her, and it leaves the possibility of ANYTHING happening open.

And as for the girl you met in the parking lot who emailed you a week later saying "Let's pursue a friendship first", what she was probably REALLY saying is:

"I can't believe that I made out with you after meeting you in some parking lot . I'm not like that. So let's get together sometime on a more casual basis, and if you DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET I'LL PROBABLY END UP MAKING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN."

Think about it.