There are two basic stories for how men and women "start off" together, and two basic stories for how men and women "end up".
Through all of time, I'm sure that men and women have been playing out these stories... and I'm sure that they'll continue to play them out long into the future (that is, unless I have something to say about it... and I do).
THE MEETING STORIES
Here's "Meeting Story #1":
Boy is attracted to girl. Unfortunately, boy doesn't have a clue about how to make girl feel ATTRACTION for him... so, instead he tries to"pursue" girl by offering her dinners, gifts, and flowers. Girl finds boy "nice", but there are no"sparks", so she "just likes him as a friend".
Here's "Meeting Story #2":
Boy is attracted to girl. Fortunately for him,boy understands ATTRACTION, and begins to communicate with girl in a way that makes her feel a powerful physical and emotional response for boy that she can't control. The sparks fly, and boy and girl "get together".
As I'm sure you know...
In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the situation and both of them know it.
In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of the situation.
THE STORIES OF HOW THINGS "END UP"
Let's assume that somehow, boy and girl actually "get together". Things usually go one of two ways after that...
Here's "End Up Story #1":
Boy and girl get together. Boy realizes that he"REALLY likes" girl. Boy begins to act more and more predictable. Boy starts to share "how he feels" about girl too often. Boy becomes more and more submissive. Girl loses that feeling of ATTRACTION that she once had for boy and has no way of explaining or understanding why. Girl leaves boy and boy is left wondering what happened.
Here's "End Up Story #2":
Boy and girl get together. Boy understands that no matter how much he likes girl, he cannot let himself become a Wussy who chases girl around"sharing how he feels" and becomes boring. Boy keeps the relationship interesting and he keeps challenging girl. Boy stays in control of himself, and by understanding his role as "The Man" in the relationship, keeps girl interested and attracted to him into the future.
And again, as I'm sure you know... In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the situation and both of them know it. In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of the situation.
If you look at your experience with women, I'm sure you'll see that these short stories describe MOST of the experiences you've had. Now, of course there are slight twists andvariations, but the message is clear:
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND HOW ATTRACTION WORKS FOR WOMEN... AND HOW TO KEEP THE ATTRACTION GOING WHEN YOU MEET A WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE.
If you don't understand ATTRACTION and how it works, then you are destined to keep playing out these same stories for the rest of your life. It's very unlikely that you'll stumble upon the "magic solution" by accident... ATTRACTION IS DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN IT IS FOR MEN - VERY DIFFERENT.
The reality is that you CAN stop this negative pattern if you WANT to. But the key is:
1) Understanding how ATTRACTION works for WOMEN.
2) Understanding YOURSELF, so you don't ALLOW yourself to act like a Wussy, become boring and turn a good thing into a bad one... but insteadyou do the RIGHT things to keep everything on the right track.
If you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then you can control your destiny with women. If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then you cannot control your destiny with women.
Read that paragraph again, and think about it for a minute before you go on.
OK, so I mentioned that ATTRACTION is very different for women than it is for men. Different how?
What do I mean by that? ... Well, generally speaking, for a woman, ATTRACTION is a PROCESS...not an "event". It happens over time, and it becomes stronger or weaker depending upon how well the man in the situation understands how it works.
For a man, ATTRACTION is much more of an"event", meaning that it's either there or it isn't. It really doesn't matter whether or not the woman understands how it works. (As an interesting side note, if a woman really knows how ATTRACTION works, and her intention is to manipulate a man, it usually works VERY well.)
So, think of a woman's "Attraction Mechanism"more like a volume knob than a light switch. It's like a fantastic, classy old car that needs to warm up for a long time before you can drive it... not like a brand new Honda that you can start up and get right on the freeway with.
Here's a little secret about women andATTRACTION:
If you'll just take a little longer in every situation to AMPLIFY a woman's ATTRACTION, she'll love you for it... and you'll experience rewards that will make the extra time you spent seem like the best investment of your entire life.
Here are a few specific tips for you for the"Meeting Phase":
Number 1 :
Start with something STRONG, not WEAK.
When a guy finds a girl interesting, he usually turns into a ball of nervous mush. Then, he usually makes the mistake of letting the woman KNOW that he's nervous and weak.
Don't do it.
Do something STRONG.
Challenge her.
If she thinks that she's cool, make fun of her.If she's smart, argue with her a little. If she's doing something, tell her that you could do it better.
When you PUSH a little, and show some BACKBONE,she'll push back. That's your sign that the GAME IS ON.
If you just chase after her like the 100 other Wussies that have been bothering her this week, you will just be another boring, predictable face in the crowd.
Number 2:
Keep the TENSION UP.
One of my favorite concepts is "Never let the flame fade".
This means that once you SPARK the "chemistry"or "sexual tension", you need to KEEP IT UP.
Just because she starts doing things that hint to you that she's interested, doesn't mean that it's time to STOP. Quite the opposite, actually.
Turn UP the volume a little. It's working, so do more! Sexual Tension is SO important that I've actually devoted an entire "language" and way of thinking about it. If you want to learn how to create Sexual Tension, then use it to really amplify ATTRACTION and arousal, then take a minute and look at this.
Number 3:
Tease.
The word "tease" has a couple of meanings.
One of the meanings has to do with doing things that are slightly annoying to get a response from someone. The other meaning is subtly different and has to do with drawing out a response that you want by doing certain things that indirectly trigger it.
Do both.
If you're about to kiss her, wait until your lips are so close that you can almost feel her...and then STOP. Pull away, and smile.
If you want to know how she feels about you, say, "You LOVE me" in a condescending tone of voice, and see how she responds. If she says "NO I DON'T!" in an exaggerated, mocking way, then she probably DOES "love" you.
Teasing is fantastic. Do more of it. And here are a few tips for the "End Up" phase:
1) Never become BORING.
Being predictable and boring is a cardinal sin when it comes to ATTRACTION.
Don't do either.
Of course, telling a man not to be predictable is like telling a dog not to hump your leg.
Most guys are PAINFULLY predictable.
We LIKE being predictable, actually. I get it.
But, when it comes to a woman you enjoy, you'd better figure out a way to STOP IT.
There's nothing that will kill the sparks faster than her knowing what you're about to do or say.
2) Don't hand over control.
Women like men who make decisions and take the lead. Now, I'm not saying that women like men who are overly controlling.
What I am saying is that women don't like guys who are always saying things like, "I don't know, what do YOU want to do,baby?".
Women don't want men that they can control, so don't be one.
3) Respect yourself and keep your own interests.
When a guy meets a woman he likes, he often wants to spend as much time as possible with her.
This is natural, of course.
But there's a big danger here as well.
If you put your life aside for a woman, you will become less interesting to HER.
In the long run, it's MUCH better to keep your friends, your interests, and your hobbies, and to spend time doing the things you enjoy... WITHOUT HER.
And I think it's VERY important to keep improving yourself as a person, and continue to be a guy that she can look up to and respect.
As soon as you start acting like she's going to be around forever, she'll start feeling less and less ATTRACTION for you.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
Now, as you read these examples, can you see the bigger picture forming?
Can you see the deeper message?
The deeper message is that you need to understand how ATTRACTION works for women and you need to do those things that keep the ATTRACTION BUILDING FOREVER.
Now, where does this all begin?
It begins with YOU.
And it begins with you learning how to control yourself and your emotions. It begins with you understanding the history of how and why men and women become attracted to each other.
It begins with you learning the basics of how to use subtle body language and communication to make women feel ATTRACTION for you.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
Something that might be of interest to you (1)
Question:
You are a saint. A giant among insects... Ok,maybe not, but it gets through the obligatory ass-kissing since you have helped me so much.
Let me begin...I've had my eyes on this particular girl for quite some time, and I could tell she was already into me quite a bit, but we had never made anything of it. Last week, she decided to "be bold" and ask ME out, instead of the other way around (you can see I'm already doing something right). She asked if I wanted to go see a movie some time; instead of freaking out and jumping at the chance, I said I'm rather tired of this whole `movie date' thing. If she wanted to get me, she was going to have to be a little more creative. She was rather shocked and felt somewhat rejected. Later in the conversation,we were got to talking about this stalker (wussy who needs a life) that seems to be in love with her, and she hates him. He had asked her if she wanted to accompany him to a football game the next night that they both were already going to. She said she really wished that I would come with her so this guy would leave her alone.
I thought,"Ok. This will be my good deed for the year." and said I would go. She ends up driving me to the game. Upon arrival, she just HAD to braid herhair, and asked me to wait around while she did so. I stood there for a second, and then walked off. She started yelling at me to wait; I simply replied, "I'll see you inside the gate." waved and walked off. Once inside, I didn't see her come in,but soon felt someone grab my butt (it was her).We went on into the stadium, she soon saw someone she knew and went to talk to them, dragging me along. I stood around for a second, then wandered off, since I had seen someone I knew as well. She comes to find me soon, and we go off to our seats.
Her stalker had seen us as we were going to ourseats and decided to stay with us for part of the night. She began talking to him, and I did my own thing. I wandered off numerous times through out the night and generally acted very secure and like I didn't need a thing in the world (especiallyher!).
Following the game, as we walked back to her car I could tell that she wanted me badly due to some things she had been saying. She drove me back to where my car was waiting and we talked for twenty minutes or so in her car. There was some hand holding and such going on during the conversation. She said, "You know we're just going to end up making out-you're just delaying the inevitable." Bingo. I shrugged it off, and we continued talking. About ten minutes later, she said, "It's getting late; I really should be getting home." Obviously a ploy to get things started, as it was only 10:15 PM. I shrugged it off, again.
A few minutes pass, and she says,"It's late, I really need to go." I say,"Alright." I open the door and get out of the car.She says, "Where are you going?" I reply nonchalantly, "I just don't think you want it badly enough yet." Score #2. I walk off to my car;she immediately jumps out of the car and begins walking to my car as well.
I get to the car and put the key in the door and she sticks her leg infront of the door with this defiant attitude. I say, "You know, I've never been raped in an empty parking lot before..."You can imagine what went on from there.
Now, on to the questions: First, now that I've used my best line ever ("I just don't think you want it badly enough yet."), do you have any suggestions on what to do and say next time to create that same anticipation/desire in her? Also, you always say that I need to be the first to end the conversation, but many of the girls that I am interested in are somewhat sporadic and tend to call, when they don't have a lot of time. Quite often, they are the ones to end the conversation before I have a chance to. How do I take this? Should I just reply, "Alright. I'll catch you later." Acting like I could care less?
Reply:
Great story. I'm sure that anyone reading this would say"Yeah, but she already liked you"... I wish you would have told the story from the beginning, because I'll bet you MADE her like you with more of the same type communication that you described here. The one thing that you clearly understand here is how SEXUAL TENSION works. You understand how to take a small spark of desire from her and AMPLIFY it until it's literally EXPLOSIVE. If you keep amplifying and letting the tension build with a particular woman, this is the kind of result you'll get... and she will LOVE you for it.
Bravo! Things like making her come up with a more"interesting" date idea, walking away from her when other guys would have clung to her, shrugging off her comments about the two of you getting together, etc. are the magic ingredients. Most guys DESTROY all the sexual tension at every possible opportunity... they take every chance they can to SCREW THINGS UP because they don't know better... The fact is that most men just don't UNDERSTAND how women get turned on.
And most men don't understand that if you really want a woman to WANT you, then you NEED to get her turned on. It's not going to happen by itself.
Here's another interesting aspect of that thing called ATTRACTION:
The bigger the challenge you are, and the more intense the sexual tension, the more aroused a woman will become... so that when you finally do connect physically it's pure electricity.
Again, most men can't HANDLE sexual tension.They feel uncomfortable when the situation isn't"clear cut", and they screw things up.
One of the things you mentioned doing was"shrugging off" her obvious "come ons" to you. This kind of thing makes no sense to most guys. But it makes sense to me. And it made a LOT of sense to HER.
When a woman throws out a sexual comment, etc.most guys screw it up. That's because they don't know the SECRET about these types of comments.
When you're a major challenge, it naturally means that she's not IN CONTROL of the situation.
Attractive women are USED to being in control, so when they're NOT in control, they get agitated. It really bothers them.
So they TEST. They use all kinds of interesting tricks and tactics to see if you're just FAKING like you're actually in control of yourself and the situation.
One of the most obvious tests is throwing out a sexual comment. She might mention that she loves sex, or that she thinks you guys have a chance of "hooking up",or some other "tease".
But make no mistake about it, these comments are not at all the innocent remarks that they appear to be. She's watching VERY closely to see if you'll take the bait. It's a woman's last resort when she feels like she isn't controlling the situation to see if you'll crumble to SOMETHING.
-- If you saysomething like, "Really? You think we're going tohook up? That would be cool." Then she KNOWS SHE'S IN CONTROL.
If you say, "Yeah, you think so? I don't know, I'm not that easy..." then it just dials up the tension, mystery, and challenge.
OK, so you've asked me a couple of questions as well... What should you do NEXT time you see her to keep the tension building...? Well, if something works, KEEP DOING IT. If she enjoyed it the first time, do it again.
This time wait a little longer. Make her think about it a little bit more.
Women LOVE anticipation. They love to feel the rush that something is going to happen... but not know WHEN.
If you REALLY want to take things to the next level, take a page from popular movies and romance novels.
Don't just kiss her. Kiss her PASSIONATELY.
Pull her body into yours as you kiss her. Then push her away and say, "You're bad!"
Stop for awhile. Make her think about it. Then start again when she isn't expecting it.
These are the types of things that make women think about you all the time when you're gone...and call you in the middle of the night because they want to see you. Really.
Most men are so damn BORING when it comes to this stuff! They do NOTHING to make a woman FEEL the powerful feelings that she's always wanted to feel.
You be the one to do it, and you'll be the one she always wants around.
Your second question was about ending calls and conversations first.
The REASON why you should end all conversations and other interactions with women first is that it conveys a clear message:
"I'M A BUSY GUY. I HAVE A LIFE."
It turns YOU into the one that's desirable.
Most guys cling, and try to keep a woman on the phone for a long time. They desire a woman's attention and approval, and they make it clear that this is what they're after.
If you run into a woman who's always on the run, don't let it get to you. To put it differently, don't become obsessed with her just because she's never available!
The answer is to just take things to the nextlevel. Here's a GREAT little technique...
An amazing and simple way to handle this kind of thing is to just say "OK, bye" without any other comments.
She says "I have to go, my friends are waiting for me outside". Just say "OK, bye" and SHUT UP.
80% of the time, she'll say "No, wait! I'm just really busy, call me in a few days" etc.
You can't "kind of" do this. You have to be READY. She's TESTING you by playing hard to get.
It's a game. Have fun with it.
As soon as she says "I have to go, my laundry is in the dryer", you SHOOT back "OK, bye" in a VERY abrupt and casual tone and SHUT UP.
It will create a funny, uncomfortable silence for just a second. Most of the time, she'll say something in a tone of voice that says "That was weird", and then she'll give some kind of explanation or ask you why you were so short with her.
Of course, this is a great opportunity to bust her balls and create some fun banter.
Again, you'll often have her say something like"I'm really busy right now. I'm sorry. Call me tomorrow and let's do something". At this point, you can say "Yeah, if you're lucky. Bye!"
Not cold. Not mean. Just short and to the point. Then, when you call her next, it was HER that asked for the call. You get to call up and say "Well, last time we talked you were begging me to call you... and I felt so bad for you that I finally broke down."
What we're talking about here is DESIRE... and more importantly, INCREASING IT. In most interactions with women there is an opportunity to SPARK the chemistry... the sexual tension... the desire... and then there are many opportunities to AMPLIFY that desire.
You are a saint. A giant among insects... Ok,maybe not, but it gets through the obligatory ass-kissing since you have helped me so much.
Let me begin...I've had my eyes on this particular girl for quite some time, and I could tell she was already into me quite a bit, but we had never made anything of it. Last week, she decided to "be bold" and ask ME out, instead of the other way around (you can see I'm already doing something right). She asked if I wanted to go see a movie some time; instead of freaking out and jumping at the chance, I said I'm rather tired of this whole `movie date' thing. If she wanted to get me, she was going to have to be a little more creative. She was rather shocked and felt somewhat rejected. Later in the conversation,we were got to talking about this stalker (wussy who needs a life) that seems to be in love with her, and she hates him. He had asked her if she wanted to accompany him to a football game the next night that they both were already going to. She said she really wished that I would come with her so this guy would leave her alone.
I thought,"Ok. This will be my good deed for the year." and said I would go. She ends up driving me to the game. Upon arrival, she just HAD to braid herhair, and asked me to wait around while she did so. I stood there for a second, and then walked off. She started yelling at me to wait; I simply replied, "I'll see you inside the gate." waved and walked off. Once inside, I didn't see her come in,but soon felt someone grab my butt (it was her).We went on into the stadium, she soon saw someone she knew and went to talk to them, dragging me along. I stood around for a second, then wandered off, since I had seen someone I knew as well. She comes to find me soon, and we go off to our seats.
Her stalker had seen us as we were going to ourseats and decided to stay with us for part of the night. She began talking to him, and I did my own thing. I wandered off numerous times through out the night and generally acted very secure and like I didn't need a thing in the world (especiallyher!).
Following the game, as we walked back to her car I could tell that she wanted me badly due to some things she had been saying. She drove me back to where my car was waiting and we talked for twenty minutes or so in her car. There was some hand holding and such going on during the conversation. She said, "You know we're just going to end up making out-you're just delaying the inevitable." Bingo. I shrugged it off, and we continued talking. About ten minutes later, she said, "It's getting late; I really should be getting home." Obviously a ploy to get things started, as it was only 10:15 PM. I shrugged it off, again.
A few minutes pass, and she says,"It's late, I really need to go." I say,"Alright." I open the door and get out of the car.She says, "Where are you going?" I reply nonchalantly, "I just don't think you want it badly enough yet." Score #2. I walk off to my car;she immediately jumps out of the car and begins walking to my car as well.
I get to the car and put the key in the door and she sticks her leg infront of the door with this defiant attitude. I say, "You know, I've never been raped in an empty parking lot before..."You can imagine what went on from there.
Now, on to the questions: First, now that I've used my best line ever ("I just don't think you want it badly enough yet."), do you have any suggestions on what to do and say next time to create that same anticipation/desire in her? Also, you always say that I need to be the first to end the conversation, but many of the girls that I am interested in are somewhat sporadic and tend to call, when they don't have a lot of time. Quite often, they are the ones to end the conversation before I have a chance to. How do I take this? Should I just reply, "Alright. I'll catch you later." Acting like I could care less?
Reply:
Great story. I'm sure that anyone reading this would say"Yeah, but she already liked you"... I wish you would have told the story from the beginning, because I'll bet you MADE her like you with more of the same type communication that you described here. The one thing that you clearly understand here is how SEXUAL TENSION works. You understand how to take a small spark of desire from her and AMPLIFY it until it's literally EXPLOSIVE. If you keep amplifying and letting the tension build with a particular woman, this is the kind of result you'll get... and she will LOVE you for it.
Bravo! Things like making her come up with a more"interesting" date idea, walking away from her when other guys would have clung to her, shrugging off her comments about the two of you getting together, etc. are the magic ingredients. Most guys DESTROY all the sexual tension at every possible opportunity... they take every chance they can to SCREW THINGS UP because they don't know better... The fact is that most men just don't UNDERSTAND how women get turned on.
And most men don't understand that if you really want a woman to WANT you, then you NEED to get her turned on. It's not going to happen by itself.
Here's another interesting aspect of that thing called ATTRACTION:
The bigger the challenge you are, and the more intense the sexual tension, the more aroused a woman will become... so that when you finally do connect physically it's pure electricity.
Again, most men can't HANDLE sexual tension.They feel uncomfortable when the situation isn't"clear cut", and they screw things up.
One of the things you mentioned doing was"shrugging off" her obvious "come ons" to you. This kind of thing makes no sense to most guys. But it makes sense to me. And it made a LOT of sense to HER.
When a woman throws out a sexual comment, etc.most guys screw it up. That's because they don't know the SECRET about these types of comments.
When you're a major challenge, it naturally means that she's not IN CONTROL of the situation.
Attractive women are USED to being in control, so when they're NOT in control, they get agitated. It really bothers them.
So they TEST. They use all kinds of interesting tricks and tactics to see if you're just FAKING like you're actually in control of yourself and the situation.
One of the most obvious tests is throwing out a sexual comment. She might mention that she loves sex, or that she thinks you guys have a chance of "hooking up",or some other "tease".
But make no mistake about it, these comments are not at all the innocent remarks that they appear to be. She's watching VERY closely to see if you'll take the bait. It's a woman's last resort when she feels like she isn't controlling the situation to see if you'll crumble to SOMETHING.
-- If you saysomething like, "Really? You think we're going tohook up? That would be cool." Then she KNOWS SHE'S IN CONTROL.
If you say, "Yeah, you think so? I don't know, I'm not that easy..." then it just dials up the tension, mystery, and challenge.
OK, so you've asked me a couple of questions as well... What should you do NEXT time you see her to keep the tension building...? Well, if something works, KEEP DOING IT. If she enjoyed it the first time, do it again.
This time wait a little longer. Make her think about it a little bit more.
Women LOVE anticipation. They love to feel the rush that something is going to happen... but not know WHEN.
If you REALLY want to take things to the next level, take a page from popular movies and romance novels.
Don't just kiss her. Kiss her PASSIONATELY.
Pull her body into yours as you kiss her. Then push her away and say, "You're bad!"
Stop for awhile. Make her think about it. Then start again when she isn't expecting it.
These are the types of things that make women think about you all the time when you're gone...and call you in the middle of the night because they want to see you. Really.
Most men are so damn BORING when it comes to this stuff! They do NOTHING to make a woman FEEL the powerful feelings that she's always wanted to feel.
You be the one to do it, and you'll be the one she always wants around.
Your second question was about ending calls and conversations first.
The REASON why you should end all conversations and other interactions with women first is that it conveys a clear message:
"I'M A BUSY GUY. I HAVE A LIFE."
It turns YOU into the one that's desirable.
Most guys cling, and try to keep a woman on the phone for a long time. They desire a woman's attention and approval, and they make it clear that this is what they're after.
If you run into a woman who's always on the run, don't let it get to you. To put it differently, don't become obsessed with her just because she's never available!
The answer is to just take things to the nextlevel. Here's a GREAT little technique...
An amazing and simple way to handle this kind of thing is to just say "OK, bye" without any other comments.
She says "I have to go, my friends are waiting for me outside". Just say "OK, bye" and SHUT UP.
80% of the time, she'll say "No, wait! I'm just really busy, call me in a few days" etc.
You can't "kind of" do this. You have to be READY. She's TESTING you by playing hard to get.
It's a game. Have fun with it.
As soon as she says "I have to go, my laundry is in the dryer", you SHOOT back "OK, bye" in a VERY abrupt and casual tone and SHUT UP.
It will create a funny, uncomfortable silence for just a second. Most of the time, she'll say something in a tone of voice that says "That was weird", and then she'll give some kind of explanation or ask you why you were so short with her.
Of course, this is a great opportunity to bust her balls and create some fun banter.
Again, you'll often have her say something like"I'm really busy right now. I'm sorry. Call me tomorrow and let's do something". At this point, you can say "Yeah, if you're lucky. Bye!"
Not cold. Not mean. Just short and to the point. Then, when you call her next, it was HER that asked for the call. You get to call up and say "Well, last time we talked you were begging me to call you... and I felt so bad for you that I finally broke down."
What we're talking about here is DESIRE... and more importantly, INCREASING IT. In most interactions with women there is an opportunity to SPARK the chemistry... the sexual tension... the desire... and then there are many opportunities to AMPLIFY that desire.
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