Flirting is something which I would consider as an art. It takes much practice to execute the subtle signals of interest with perfect timing. Thankfully, there is no shortage of flirting tips for men out there. However, flirting is only half the battle. To truly make your rapport with a woman successful, you need to recognize when she's flirting with you .
Women are masters of subtlety, so it's your job to remain especially aware of every gesture, every word, and every move she throws your way. Always remember that attentiveness is the key.
Although the signs that a woman is interested in you can boil down to these 10 points, you need to know that any single point can be deceptive. The lady you're chatting up may be an attention-seeking serial flirter with no intentions of ever going on a date with you.
Or she might simply be very nice and friendly with everyone, not just you. If you see her often (at school, college or work for example), a good way to tell is by paying attention to how she reacts to others. If it's the same way she behaves with you, then don't get your hopes up.
The following flirting signs are good for all settings, whether in a coffee shop, restaurant, nightclub, Asia Cafe, heck anywhere will do actually. So sharpen your senses and read on.
Number 10: She keeps glancing over.
Are her eyes aimed at you every time you look her way? And does she avert her gaze whenever you catch her staring? Then you might have a good one here. If she doesn't prolong the eye contact, then she's probably shy and needs a little coaxing from you. Go up to her, introduce yourself, and get her talking.
Number 9: She smiles at you.
The smile is the ultimate sign of openness and friendliness, assuming it is genuine of course. Many people force a smile when trying to be polite, but they tend to be fairly obvious about it. If she shows her teeth and has that sparkle in her eye, then you can deduce that she's enjoying your company. Your only job is to keep her smiling by smiling back.
Number 8: She goes out of her way to get you to notice her.
If, on her way from point A to point B, she takes an unnecessary detour through point C (you), she might be trying to get your attention. For instance, if she walks by your table "on her way" to the washroom in a restaurent, but your table is located at the opposite end of the restrooms, she is probably interested. Why else would she be taking the long way? If she smiles at you on her way, consider your job half done.
Number 7: She plays with her hair.
Women's hair is a source of power and confidence to them -- why else would they get so devastated after a bad haircut? They tap into its power at key moments, subconsciously unleashing its seductive potential. If you see her twirling her finger through it or throwing it around, like in a shampoo commercial, then you have a potential flirt in your midst.
This goes for body language in general. Some women like exposing their necks, prepping their clothes, or placing their arms in front of them in a way that their biceps push their breasts together, augmenting their cleavage. Its truly hilarious when you notice these things. Sometimes I just can't help laughing. Some magazines tell women to let their shoes dangle at their toes, displaying the curvature of their feet, which men, apparently, associate with their other curves. However, if she's crossing her arms, it means she's distancing herself. Be alert.
Number 6: She initiates the conversation.
Taking the first step to initiate a connection with you is a huge sign that she's interested. If she tells you something like "You remind me of someone I know," which begs a response and subsequent conversation, that's a concrete sign.
During the conversation, she may further convey her interest by asking you open-ended questions -- watch out fellas, they're starting to use our own weapons against us! She might also whisper "secrets" to you, bringing your faces close together, perhaps letting you get a good whiff of her perfume or probably her shampoo. Is she repeating your name back to you?
Number 5: She laughs at your jokes.
When you relate a funny story, does she throw her head back in a vigorous laughter or does she just look at you and say, "Is that supposed to be funny?" A big part of flirting involves reactions to the partner, so if she acts captivated by your words, you're in the green. Other reactions that convey approval include asking "really?", "wow" and opening her mouth in amused disbelief.
Number 4: She asks if you like certain activities.
Does she ask you about your hobbies? Is she being more specific, and asking you if you like a particular pastime? Although she is not actually asking you for a date, it's an implied way of doing it. She could be leading up to asking you out or paving the ground for you to pop the question instead. If the activity in question is dancing, movies or dinner, then it is usually almost certain.
Number 3: She pays you a compliment.
Women are sparse with compliments, so if she throws one your way, you can pat yourself on the back.(Im talking about women with class here, not some underage cheap slut you knew back in college) This is especially good if it has to do with your physique, as this implies that she is attracted to you. Another way she may demonstrate her interest is by repeating your name, letting you know that you are memorable and establishing a closer, more intimate connection with her.
Number 2: She makes sexual comments.
Some women like to put themselves in the mood by talking about things that turn them on. It brings out their wild side. So if she steers the conversation to sexy topics, she could be trying to pull you into a flirting crescendo that might lead to a veritable verbal foreplay. Most times they will keep it understated and tasteful, so you should do the same. A crass slip-up is a sure-fire way to ruin the rapport.
Number 1: She touches you.
When a woman breaks the contact barrier during a conversation, it is almost a sure sign that she's interested. It can be as obvious as touching your arm or knee while making a point, or as faint as having her knees come into contact with yours under the table. But you must make sure that she makes the first skin convergence.
A less direct way is if she mirrors your body language, which is something women do subconsciously. When you lean in, she leans in. When you rest your elbows on the table, she does the same. Duplicating your actions is her way of showing you that she's "in-synch" with you.
Conclusion->>>>>
Since some of the above signals could just be gestures of friendliness on a woman's part, you should count a minimum of four before you conclude that she is, indeed, flirting with you. If she commits five or more, your evening is set.
So now you know the theory, but recognizing her signals on the spot takes time, especially when they're too subtle to be detected by the untrained eye. And though you should constantly be alert, don't get yourself into a state of tense vigilance, where you're looking for nothing else but the aforementioned signs. Keep cool, relax and enjoy yourself. In time, women's flirtation techniques will become as clear as traffic signals.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The Serenity Prayer.
The Serenity Prayer .
You have probably come across this well-known prayer:
Lord grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Usually when I say this prayer, it will usually be at a time when I am unhappy about some aspect of life that I want to change. The prayer therefore helps me to see that unhappiness lies in the gap between the way life is and the way I want it to be.
The prayer then encourages me to ask for help to change one of two things. I either need help in actively changing something about the way life is. Or I need help in accepting that life cannot be as I want it to be.
If I decide to change what I can, then it requires me to act courageously in one way or another. The word "courage" reminds me that there will be inevitable obstacles and failures along this path that I must overcome.
If I decide that I cannot change the way life is, then the prayer guides me to ask for the serenity of surrendering my hopes in life. I am to pray for the serenity of accepting that it is OK to fail to achieve the life I wanted.
Of course it takes wisdom to decide which choice to make, but notice that on both paths of this simple prayer we need the courage or serenity to accept failures of one sort or another.
You have probably come across this well-known prayer:
Lord grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Usually when I say this prayer, it will usually be at a time when I am unhappy about some aspect of life that I want to change. The prayer therefore helps me to see that unhappiness lies in the gap between the way life is and the way I want it to be.
The prayer then encourages me to ask for help to change one of two things. I either need help in actively changing something about the way life is. Or I need help in accepting that life cannot be as I want it to be.
If I decide to change what I can, then it requires me to act courageously in one way or another. The word "courage" reminds me that there will be inevitable obstacles and failures along this path that I must overcome.
If I decide that I cannot change the way life is, then the prayer guides me to ask for the serenity of surrendering my hopes in life. I am to pray for the serenity of accepting that it is OK to fail to achieve the life I wanted.
Of course it takes wisdom to decide which choice to make, but notice that on both paths of this simple prayer we need the courage or serenity to accept failures of one sort or another.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The Six Things That Attracts WOMEN.
The 6 things that attracts women.
I've done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six thing:
1) Means (Wealth, possessions, gifts to them or providing for them)
2) Power (Influence, Leadership, provide safety)
3) Fame/Popular
4) Looks/physical appeal (Including height)
5) Exclusivity (already taken, hard to get, affiliation, gay, exceptionally different)
6) Personality (Humor, creativity, romance, intelligence, mystery etc.)
Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you're not rich, you're probably not going to get rich this week. If you're not famous or tall, you're probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.
So that leaves us with number six, PERSONALITY.
The good news is that as far as I'm concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.
Fortunately, it's the one thing you can change. And it's the one thing that can OVERCOME all of the rest. After you've done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that's absolutely magnetic.
By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially 'look' for. It's the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you.
In the end, if you don't have wealth, power, fame, or looks you're going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful weapon you have...
I've done a lot of research on this topic, and I believe that women are most attracted to these six thing:
1) Means (Wealth, possessions, gifts to them or providing for them)
2) Power (Influence, Leadership, provide safety)
3) Fame/Popular
4) Looks/physical appeal (Including height)
5) Exclusivity (already taken, hard to get, affiliation, gay, exceptionally different)
6) Personality (Humor, creativity, romance, intelligence, mystery etc.)
Now, numbers one through five are largely out of your immediate control. If you're not rich, you're probably not going to get rich this week. If you're not famous or tall, you're probably not going to be in a hit movie or grow 6 inches in the next 24 hours.
So that leaves us with number six, PERSONALITY.
The good news is that as far as I'm concerned, your personality is your GREATEST ASSET in the success-with-women game.
Fortunately, it's the one thing you can change. And it's the one thing that can OVERCOME all of the rest. After you've done what you can to look your best, etc. you have to develop a personality that's absolutely magnetic.
By the way, the one quality that attracts women the most (and keeps them attracted) is not something that they can initially 'look' for. It's the way they FEEL when they are with you or thinking of you.
In the end, if you don't have wealth, power, fame, or looks you're going to have to use your personality to make them FEEL good. In the end, your personality is the most powerful weapon you have...
A couple of interesting questions regarding girls...ZzZ
What should I do if I’m already seeing this girl for a while, and I really want to create a special evening?
Lol...the very famous question...
Always creates a substantial amount of headache this is...
If you have been seeing this girl for awhile, and you REALLY want to blow her mind, DO SEVERAL THINGS THAT SHE LIKES ALL IN ONE DAY OR EVENING.
Take her to her favorite restaurant, give her a gift of her favorite flowers, wear the clothes that you know she likes, rub her shoulders, and, um... give her some good lovin'.
Romance is wonderful, as long as you don't overdo it and come across as extremely LAME.
Focus all of the things that she likes into one small window, and good things will come of it.Then don't do them again for awhile... AT ALL.
She'll talk about that night forever, and she'll always be wondering when the next one will come.
If you had no choice but to come up with how to get a woman to like you in just a couple of paragraphs, what would you say?
I hate this particular question. No doubt about that. They ask this stupid shit because they assume that there is one magical easy stress free way to get a girl to like you. But nevermind, I shall attempt to answer this question.
The way to make a woman like you is to:
1- Not act like all the other average guys out there.
2- Make her laugh.
3- Be unpredictable, challenging and mysterious.
Of course there are more ways, but these are a start.
Don't act nervous or uncomfortable.
Treat her like you've known her all your life... almost like she's your little sister or your little cousin sister.
Tease her and make her laugh.
Have fun. Keep that on your mind all the time. It reduces the stress and tension building inside.
Don't be PREDICTABLE. It makes you lame.
Be confident, be a goddamn man. Being shy and scared is just so not a guy thing.
Do things that surprise her.
Say things that keep her wanting to hear more. If you can't keep her interested with your looks and physical appeal, do it with your words.
Tell interesting stories and don't answer her questions directly... instead, make her work for the answers.
That's as brief as I can be already.
How do I get a girl's attention to begin with? In other words, what do I say to her so that she will want to talk to me for that minute you talk about? I don't feel like saying, "Excuse me, Hi... my name is... do you work around here?". And I don’t think it would be the best solution for this. Do you?
You know, it's funny...
This question is a question that every guy in the world wants to know the answer to.
It's a simple answer... and it's a DAMN complex answer at the same time.
Remember this and remember this well. The most important thing when it comes to approaching women you don't know is being able to do it as comfortably and naturally just like how you would if you would be approaching ur mommy.
If you get nervous, shaky and freaked out the woman will pick up on this... and it will make HER nervous.
You can walk up to a woman and say, "Hi, I don't have time to talk, but if you're single I'd really like to talk to you sometime... do you have a handphone number so that I could reach you again?" And if you do it in a calm, comfortable way, you can get a HIGH percentage of women to give you their number right there on the spot with no conversation needed.On the other hand, if you're freaked out, nervous and acting like you've just been caught masturbating by your mom or something then what you say does'nt matter at all.
Experts estimate that approximately 7% of your communication is the words you use and 93% is your voice tone and body language.
In other words, the WORDS aren't very important at all.
So, how do you get the voice tone and body language under control and more importantly, your EMOTIONS?
Well, this is a simple and complex problem as well.
Personally, I have found that understanding exactly how and why women feel sexual attraction for men has DRAMATICALLY changed the way I interact with women.
It's the way you make them feel... You've got to be calm, you've got to be confident.
And practice makes perfect. Remember that.
And remember this... you can choose who to love and probably even choose who to like. But you can't choose exactly who you would want to be attracted to. Attraction is not a choice.
Lol...the very famous question...
Always creates a substantial amount of headache this is...
If you have been seeing this girl for awhile, and you REALLY want to blow her mind, DO SEVERAL THINGS THAT SHE LIKES ALL IN ONE DAY OR EVENING.
Take her to her favorite restaurant, give her a gift of her favorite flowers, wear the clothes that you know she likes, rub her shoulders, and, um... give her some good lovin'.
Romance is wonderful, as long as you don't overdo it and come across as extremely LAME.
Focus all of the things that she likes into one small window, and good things will come of it.Then don't do them again for awhile... AT ALL.
She'll talk about that night forever, and she'll always be wondering when the next one will come.
If you had no choice but to come up with how to get a woman to like you in just a couple of paragraphs, what would you say?
I hate this particular question. No doubt about that. They ask this stupid shit because they assume that there is one magical easy stress free way to get a girl to like you. But nevermind, I shall attempt to answer this question.
The way to make a woman like you is to:
1- Not act like all the other average guys out there.
2- Make her laugh.
3- Be unpredictable, challenging and mysterious.
Of course there are more ways, but these are a start.
Don't act nervous or uncomfortable.
Treat her like you've known her all your life... almost like she's your little sister or your little cousin sister.
Tease her and make her laugh.
Have fun. Keep that on your mind all the time. It reduces the stress and tension building inside.
Don't be PREDICTABLE. It makes you lame.
Be confident, be a goddamn man. Being shy and scared is just so not a guy thing.
Do things that surprise her.
Say things that keep her wanting to hear more. If you can't keep her interested with your looks and physical appeal, do it with your words.
Tell interesting stories and don't answer her questions directly... instead, make her work for the answers.
That's as brief as I can be already.
How do I get a girl's attention to begin with? In other words, what do I say to her so that she will want to talk to me for that minute you talk about? I don't feel like saying, "Excuse me, Hi... my name is... do you work around here?". And I don’t think it would be the best solution for this. Do you?
You know, it's funny...
This question is a question that every guy in the world wants to know the answer to.
It's a simple answer... and it's a DAMN complex answer at the same time.
Remember this and remember this well. The most important thing when it comes to approaching women you don't know is being able to do it as comfortably and naturally just like how you would if you would be approaching ur mommy.
If you get nervous, shaky and freaked out the woman will pick up on this... and it will make HER nervous.
You can walk up to a woman and say, "Hi, I don't have time to talk, but if you're single I'd really like to talk to you sometime... do you have a handphone number so that I could reach you again?" And if you do it in a calm, comfortable way, you can get a HIGH percentage of women to give you their number right there on the spot with no conversation needed.On the other hand, if you're freaked out, nervous and acting like you've just been caught masturbating by your mom or something then what you say does'nt matter at all.
Experts estimate that approximately 7% of your communication is the words you use and 93% is your voice tone and body language.
In other words, the WORDS aren't very important at all.
So, how do you get the voice tone and body language under control and more importantly, your EMOTIONS?
Well, this is a simple and complex problem as well.
Personally, I have found that understanding exactly how and why women feel sexual attraction for men has DRAMATICALLY changed the way I interact with women.
It's the way you make them feel... You've got to be calm, you've got to be confident.
And practice makes perfect. Remember that.
And remember this... you can choose who to love and probably even choose who to like. But you can't choose exactly who you would want to be attracted to. Attraction is not a choice.
Lets talk about perceiving people and judging them a little bit... =)
Perceiving people and Judging them.
Another aspect of human nature is the tendency to evaluate and judge people.
Consider the following situation.
Adam is a perfectionist. He expects only perfection and nothing less from himself and also from others. When he expected 100% from himself then he expected it also from others.
However, when he was able to accept that it was OK for him to make mistakes, then he became more tolerant of other people's mistakes. Driving became more of a pleasure for him after he became more tolerant of the poor skills of other drivers.
It seems more than likely that there are many other people who would be more tolerant of others if they became more tolerant of themselves.
The Pharisees that Jesus compared to poisonous snakes and rotting corpses maintained VERY high standards.
I suspect that in fact they managed to keep their own rules of cleanliness, of giving
precisely one tenth of their income to the temple and so on. People with money and power and time can manage this if they put their minds to it.
But it is clear that they made other people's lives a misery by insisting on that same "100% or you are a miserable sinner" rule for others. Sometimes we need to understand that some people are just different from us. If you are an introvert, you can't be expecting everyone in this world to be an introvert as well. The same goes if you're an extrovert. Before you judge or evaluate anyone's actions, always began with trying to understand the reason and the purpose of the actions and evaluate what were the cause of the actions.
The world would indeed be a much pleasent place to live in if everyone were to walk around with this mentality. It is okay to judge people, but it is not okay to judge people wrongly and throw unfounded and unreasonable accusations around.
A big part of the New Testament message concerns the battle between: "It is not OK to fail! Pharisees rule OK!" and "It's OK to fail ... God loves you still!"
Today that battle is between those perfectionists who criticise failure in everyone and those who more realistically and happily accept that some failures are inevitable.
- A perfectionist is someone who consumes and generates pains and then proceeds to infect them unto others -
Another aspect of human nature is the tendency to evaluate and judge people.
Consider the following situation.
Adam is a perfectionist. He expects only perfection and nothing less from himself and also from others. When he expected 100% from himself then he expected it also from others.
However, when he was able to accept that it was OK for him to make mistakes, then he became more tolerant of other people's mistakes. Driving became more of a pleasure for him after he became more tolerant of the poor skills of other drivers.
It seems more than likely that there are many other people who would be more tolerant of others if they became more tolerant of themselves.
The Pharisees that Jesus compared to poisonous snakes and rotting corpses maintained VERY high standards.
I suspect that in fact they managed to keep their own rules of cleanliness, of giving
precisely one tenth of their income to the temple and so on. People with money and power and time can manage this if they put their minds to it.
But it is clear that they made other people's lives a misery by insisting on that same "100% or you are a miserable sinner" rule for others. Sometimes we need to understand that some people are just different from us. If you are an introvert, you can't be expecting everyone in this world to be an introvert as well. The same goes if you're an extrovert. Before you judge or evaluate anyone's actions, always began with trying to understand the reason and the purpose of the actions and evaluate what were the cause of the actions.
The world would indeed be a much pleasent place to live in if everyone were to walk around with this mentality. It is okay to judge people, but it is not okay to judge people wrongly and throw unfounded and unreasonable accusations around.
A big part of the New Testament message concerns the battle between: "It is not OK to fail! Pharisees rule OK!" and "It's OK to fail ... God loves you still!"
Today that battle is between those perfectionists who criticise failure in everyone and those who more realistically and happily accept that some failures are inevitable.
- A perfectionist is someone who consumes and generates pains and then proceeds to infect them unto others -
Lets talk about Ambition...
Ambition.
When Fiona was a girl she dreamed of becoming a ballerina. She was good at dancing and worked hard at it. She suffered intense training and fasting for years. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many successful ballerinas are there? And how many girls like Fiona are there? Was she happy?
When Edwin was a teenager he played the guitar and sing. He saw himself becoming a famous pop star. He bought expensive equipment. He formed a band. He played gigs. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many singers make their names? How many boys like Edwin are there? Was he happy?
Estella was a very pretty girl who was encouraged to see herself as one day becoming a top model. She devoted all her teenage years to this ambition, thinking only of her figure, looks and fashion. Did she become a successful model? What do you think? How many models make it to the exclusive top? Was she happy?
As a boy Brandon dreamed of becoming a famous footballer. He imagined the glory and the fame and the cars and the clothes and all the rest. Like many other boys he worked hard at it. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many footballers make even a decent living? Was he happy?
Fiona's friend just enjoyed dancing, Edwin had a friend who just enjoyed playing the organ, Estella had a friend who just liked to dress well and Brandon's friend just enjoyed playing football at the weekend. They are failures by the standards of Fiona and Edwin and Estella and Brandon. But since they do not have a big gap between who they are and who they want to be they are happy with their lives.
We need to understand the difference between pursuing a goal and obsessing over a goal. Sometimes its best to just try and do our very best to achive our goals and in case you fail...you'll know you have done your best with no regrets. Once fallen, does not mean forever fallen my friend. =)
When Fiona was a girl she dreamed of becoming a ballerina. She was good at dancing and worked hard at it. She suffered intense training and fasting for years. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many successful ballerinas are there? And how many girls like Fiona are there? Was she happy?
When Edwin was a teenager he played the guitar and sing. He saw himself becoming a famous pop star. He bought expensive equipment. He formed a band. He played gigs. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many singers make their names? How many boys like Edwin are there? Was he happy?
Estella was a very pretty girl who was encouraged to see herself as one day becoming a top model. She devoted all her teenage years to this ambition, thinking only of her figure, looks and fashion. Did she become a successful model? What do you think? How many models make it to the exclusive top? Was she happy?
As a boy Brandon dreamed of becoming a famous footballer. He imagined the glory and the fame and the cars and the clothes and all the rest. Like many other boys he worked hard at it. Did this lead to success? What do you think? How many footballers make even a decent living? Was he happy?
Fiona's friend just enjoyed dancing, Edwin had a friend who just enjoyed playing the organ, Estella had a friend who just liked to dress well and Brandon's friend just enjoyed playing football at the weekend. They are failures by the standards of Fiona and Edwin and Estella and Brandon. But since they do not have a big gap between who they are and who they want to be they are happy with their lives.
We need to understand the difference between pursuing a goal and obsessing over a goal. Sometimes its best to just try and do our very best to achive our goals and in case you fail...you'll know you have done your best with no regrets. Once fallen, does not mean forever fallen my friend. =)
Who would actually enjoy watching a movie where there is no set-backs or failures at all?
Who'd watch a film without failures?
I wonder what your favourite kind of film or book is?
Whatever the genre is, try to imagine what it would be like if the main characters never had the slightest setback, or made the slightest mistake.
Suppose that it was a love film in which he loved her the moment he saw her, and she loved him in return and from then on everything went well. There were no misunderstandings, no rivals, no obstacles, no causes of unhappiness. There is scene after scene of unmitigated happiness: happy meals, happy sunbathing, happy shopping, happy kissing. Would you enjoy it?
Suppose it was a war film or a Western in which the Good Guys have it all their own way right from the start. They are in no danger because the Bad Guys, perceiving the weakness of their moral position, quietly hand over their weapons and they all join together and sing in the church choir for the next ninety minutes. Would you enjoy it?
I quite agree that in much but not all of this fiction we expect and desire a satisfactory resolution in the end. But notice that it is the failures along the way that make the films worth seeing: the obstacles to Romeo and Juliet's love, James Bond's failure to spot the ambush that gets him into the clutches of the villain and so on.
It can at times be worth reflecting that if we had no setbacks or failures in our lives they would lose much that brings out the best in us. It's OK to fail - tackling a failure or its consequences provides part of the true drama of life.
- This world is a movie, the people in this world are the actor's and actresses of it. What exactly is your role? You decide... -
I wonder what your favourite kind of film or book is?
Whatever the genre is, try to imagine what it would be like if the main characters never had the slightest setback, or made the slightest mistake.
Suppose that it was a love film in which he loved her the moment he saw her, and she loved him in return and from then on everything went well. There were no misunderstandings, no rivals, no obstacles, no causes of unhappiness. There is scene after scene of unmitigated happiness: happy meals, happy sunbathing, happy shopping, happy kissing. Would you enjoy it?
Suppose it was a war film or a Western in which the Good Guys have it all their own way right from the start. They are in no danger because the Bad Guys, perceiving the weakness of their moral position, quietly hand over their weapons and they all join together and sing in the church choir for the next ninety minutes. Would you enjoy it?
I quite agree that in much but not all of this fiction we expect and desire a satisfactory resolution in the end. But notice that it is the failures along the way that make the films worth seeing: the obstacles to Romeo and Juliet's love, James Bond's failure to spot the ambush that gets him into the clutches of the villain and so on.
It can at times be worth reflecting that if we had no setbacks or failures in our lives they would lose much that brings out the best in us. It's OK to fail - tackling a failure or its consequences provides part of the true drama of life.
- This world is a movie, the people in this world are the actor's and actresses of it. What exactly is your role? You decide... -
Let's talk about stress...
Stress.
Stress to the engineer is what happens when there are two opposing forces acting against each other on some material. A piece of steel can be stressed by machine by either pulling at each end or pushing at each end. Strain is the physical effect the stress has on the material.
When a person is stressed it is because there are two voices within saying opposite things. They might easily be, "Go to work!" and "I want to stay at home!"
You can't stress a material by a single force: you will only start it moving. And the same applies to people: if there is just one force on us we tend to move without strain. It is only if there is an opposition that we become stressed and feel strain.
A great deal of the stress in life is a result of the battle between on the one hand what we feel we OUGHT to do, have GOT to do or MUST do and on the other hand the things
that we WANT to do, LIKE to do or DESIRE to do.
The fear of failure is often the whip behind OUGHT - GOT - MUST making them seem irresistible. And the worship of Success - material, sexual or social - generally intensifies the WANT - LIKE - DESIRE into cravings that also seem irresistible. Since these two forces are generally opposed, together they intensify the stress and strain of life.
And so a wonderful antidote to so many of the stress of life is to smile and say, "It's OK to fail to do everything I feel I ought to, and OK to fail to have everything I want to have." That leads to satisfaction and happiness.
- He who is the most content is the richest among all -
Stress to the engineer is what happens when there are two opposing forces acting against each other on some material. A piece of steel can be stressed by machine by either pulling at each end or pushing at each end. Strain is the physical effect the stress has on the material.
When a person is stressed it is because there are two voices within saying opposite things. They might easily be, "Go to work!" and "I want to stay at home!"
You can't stress a material by a single force: you will only start it moving. And the same applies to people: if there is just one force on us we tend to move without strain. It is only if there is an opposition that we become stressed and feel strain.
A great deal of the stress in life is a result of the battle between on the one hand what we feel we OUGHT to do, have GOT to do or MUST do and on the other hand the things
that we WANT to do, LIKE to do or DESIRE to do.
The fear of failure is often the whip behind OUGHT - GOT - MUST making them seem irresistible. And the worship of Success - material, sexual or social - generally intensifies the WANT - LIKE - DESIRE into cravings that also seem irresistible. Since these two forces are generally opposed, together they intensify the stress and strain of life.
And so a wonderful antidote to so many of the stress of life is to smile and say, "It's OK to fail to do everything I feel I ought to, and OK to fail to have everything I want to have." That leads to satisfaction and happiness.
- He who is the most content is the richest among all -
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Feelings. A very delicated word, an even more delicate thing...
Feelings. A very delicate word. An even more delicate thing...
Lets talk about feelings.
Would I be right in suggesting that a failure should never make me unhappy? No. It seems to me that to be human means to feel feelings: we are not machines or computers. And among those feelings must be counted feelings of disappointment, and regret and grief and unhappiness or woe.
Now small failures of skill should not evoke much of any of these feelings. But larger failures in life seem to me inevitably to lead to woe. This totally depends solely on the individual.
To deny a failure is to submit to the lasting discomfort of living a lie. To accept a failure involves accepting any sadness that results. But that sadness will pass in time. This is a fact. Cry, it helps.
Believe me on that. I know. You can cry when noone see's you. That's if you're too coward to be yourself. Well, I for one would like to consider myself as a coward.
It is not of the nature of feelings themselves to last forever, if they see the light of day. An icy sorrow may last in the soul for ever if kept in refrigerating concealment. But if it is brought into the warmth of consciousness and human talk it will slowly melt. And a burning resentment can be heated by the pressure cooker of repression, but will cool if expressed. Any feeling freely admitted will pass.
As woe will come, so woe will go. And when it has passed there is room for new hope and new life and new joy. There is a time for despair and agony. There is also a time for joy and happiness.
The rain will pour. The sun will also shine.
How long will the rain pour? How long will the sun shine? Sometimes they are governed by circumstances which we have no control over. However, most of the time, it's all in our mind.
We control how long and how much will the rain pour. We control how long and much will the sun shine. Do something about what can be done. Do not dwell on things which we have no control over. Learn to tell the differences. Learn to accept the differences.
A short little poem over here for understanding and enjoyment. =) Forgive me for its short length. Sometimes, short and simple is the best method to intrigue people.
Joy and Woe
Man was made for joy and woe
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go
Joy and woe are woven fine
A clothing for the soul divine
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine
Lets talk about feelings.
Would I be right in suggesting that a failure should never make me unhappy? No. It seems to me that to be human means to feel feelings: we are not machines or computers. And among those feelings must be counted feelings of disappointment, and regret and grief and unhappiness or woe.
Now small failures of skill should not evoke much of any of these feelings. But larger failures in life seem to me inevitably to lead to woe. This totally depends solely on the individual.
To deny a failure is to submit to the lasting discomfort of living a lie. To accept a failure involves accepting any sadness that results. But that sadness will pass in time. This is a fact. Cry, it helps.
Believe me on that. I know. You can cry when noone see's you. That's if you're too coward to be yourself. Well, I for one would like to consider myself as a coward.
It is not of the nature of feelings themselves to last forever, if they see the light of day. An icy sorrow may last in the soul for ever if kept in refrigerating concealment. But if it is brought into the warmth of consciousness and human talk it will slowly melt. And a burning resentment can be heated by the pressure cooker of repression, but will cool if expressed. Any feeling freely admitted will pass.
As woe will come, so woe will go. And when it has passed there is room for new hope and new life and new joy. There is a time for despair and agony. There is also a time for joy and happiness.
The rain will pour. The sun will also shine.
How long will the rain pour? How long will the sun shine? Sometimes they are governed by circumstances which we have no control over. However, most of the time, it's all in our mind.
We control how long and how much will the rain pour. We control how long and much will the sun shine. Do something about what can be done. Do not dwell on things which we have no control over. Learn to tell the differences. Learn to accept the differences.
A short little poem over here for understanding and enjoyment. =) Forgive me for its short length. Sometimes, short and simple is the best method to intrigue people.
Joy and Woe
Man was made for joy and woe
And when this we rightly know
Through the world we safely go
Joy and woe are woven fine
A clothing for the soul divine
Under every grief and pine
Runs a joy with silken twine
If something is worth doing, then it is worth doing badly.
Many people are brought up on the old saying, "If a thing is worth doing it then it must be worth doing well."
I take it that this means that if you have chosen to do something then it makes sense to give it your best shot.
But sadly many people interpret it to mean "If you do not do it well then you are bad or stupid or lazy." And this makes them decide that the sensible course is not to do it at all.
In practice therefore the old saying becomes, "If a thing HAS to be done well then it will be such a pain that it is NOT worth doing it." And this, of course, leads to a lot not being done. Try to understand these few very simply analogy.
If you need to eat then it is worth preparing some food even if you cannot manage cordon bleu standard. If there is a hole in the roof then it is worth repairing it even if the roof does not look as good as new. If you feel that that girl is worth meeting then it is better to go over and say anything rather than to delay so long in trying to dream up that perfect witty, wise and wonderful opening remark that someone else gets in first with a banal, "Hi! How are you?" If an opportunity has come up in life, do NOT be put off because you cannot manage it perfectly at first. Chances are nobody could. If it's worth doing, it is worth accepting the usual beginner's mistakes and failures. If it is worth doing then it is certainly worth some failures along the way.
Be happy with what you have achieved. It's OK if it is far from perfect; you have given it your best shot.
Men succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparation for their victories.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
I take it that this means that if you have chosen to do something then it makes sense to give it your best shot.
But sadly many people interpret it to mean "If you do not do it well then you are bad or stupid or lazy." And this makes them decide that the sensible course is not to do it at all.
In practice therefore the old saying becomes, "If a thing HAS to be done well then it will be such a pain that it is NOT worth doing it." And this, of course, leads to a lot not being done. Try to understand these few very simply analogy.
If you need to eat then it is worth preparing some food even if you cannot manage cordon bleu standard. If there is a hole in the roof then it is worth repairing it even if the roof does not look as good as new. If you feel that that girl is worth meeting then it is better to go over and say anything rather than to delay so long in trying to dream up that perfect witty, wise and wonderful opening remark that someone else gets in first with a banal, "Hi! How are you?" If an opportunity has come up in life, do NOT be put off because you cannot manage it perfectly at first. Chances are nobody could. If it's worth doing, it is worth accepting the usual beginner's mistakes and failures. If it is worth doing then it is certainly worth some failures along the way.
Be happy with what you have achieved. It's OK if it is far from perfect; you have given it your best shot.
Men succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparation for their victories.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -
How to manipulate people.
How to manipulate people .
It is so easy to manipulate someone who is chained to Success or driven by a fear of Failure.
A woman who wants above all to be a successful wife is easily made to do anything at all that her husband requires. "But Dear, Mrs. Jones always drops her husband off at the station, and I'm sure you can manage things better than her."
A person who wants monetary success more than anything else can be quite easily taken in by a scam. "I don't need to tell someone as wise as you in the way of money that there are certain insider tricks that help the fortunate few make a mint. Now if you have a few spare thousand to invest ...."
A man who wants above all to be successful at work can easily be got to work twice the hours for half the money in return for a promise. "Bill, you are fantastic. I have a feeling that the Big Boss has his eye on you for Big Things. Now you are the only one I can trust with this important deal, but I am afraid it will mean working extra hours ...."
If the manipulator estimates that the stick rather than the carrot is the better approach then the fear of failure is used.
"OK Jack. There are two doors. One has got a 'Yes, Sir' on it, the other has got 'Good-bye'. You choose."
"I love you, Colin, but I love Edward too, in a sort of way. He is very keen on me, and bought me this lovely coat last week ...." And Colin, faced with the prospect of losing her to Edward has to up the ante himself if he is not to fail.
I think you will find that every single time you have been manipulated into a bad bargain it has been as a result of someone either playing on your desire for some form of success or on your fear of some form of failure. That is why, to avoid being manipulated it helps to be able to scorn "Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same."
It is so easy to manipulate someone who is chained to Success or driven by a fear of Failure.
A woman who wants above all to be a successful wife is easily made to do anything at all that her husband requires. "But Dear, Mrs. Jones always drops her husband off at the station, and I'm sure you can manage things better than her."
A person who wants monetary success more than anything else can be quite easily taken in by a scam. "I don't need to tell someone as wise as you in the way of money that there are certain insider tricks that help the fortunate few make a mint. Now if you have a few spare thousand to invest ...."
A man who wants above all to be successful at work can easily be got to work twice the hours for half the money in return for a promise. "Bill, you are fantastic. I have a feeling that the Big Boss has his eye on you for Big Things. Now you are the only one I can trust with this important deal, but I am afraid it will mean working extra hours ...."
If the manipulator estimates that the stick rather than the carrot is the better approach then the fear of failure is used.
"OK Jack. There are two doors. One has got a 'Yes, Sir' on it, the other has got 'Good-bye'. You choose."
"I love you, Colin, but I love Edward too, in a sort of way. He is very keen on me, and bought me this lovely coat last week ...." And Colin, faced with the prospect of losing her to Edward has to up the ante himself if he is not to fail.
I think you will find that every single time you have been manipulated into a bad bargain it has been as a result of someone either playing on your desire for some form of success or on your fear of some form of failure. That is why, to avoid being manipulated it helps to be able to scorn "Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same."
Sunday, June 17, 2007
LoveLy CoiNciDenCe- A Romance Story
In 1945, there was a young boy of 14 in a concentration camp. He was tall, thin but had a bright smile. Every day, a young girl came by on the other side of the fence. She noticed the boy and asked him if he spoke Polish, and he said yes. She said he'd looked hungry, and he said he was. She then reached in her pocket and gave him her apple. He thanked her and she went on her way. The next day, she came by again, bringing with her another apple which she gave him. Each day, she walked by the outside of the fence, hoping to see him, and when she did, she happily handed him an apple in exchange for conversation.
One day, he told her not to come by anymore. He told her he was being shipped to another concentration camp. As he walked away with tears streaming down his face, he wondered if he'd ever see her again. She was the only kind soul he'd seen across the fence.
He made it out of the concentration camp, and immigrated to America. In 1957, his friends had fixed him up on a blind date. He had no idea who the woman was. He picked her up, and during dinner began talking of Poland and the concentration camp. She said she was in Poland at that time. She said she used to talk to a boy and gave him apples daily. He asked if this boy was tall, skinny and if he had told her that she shouldn't come back because he was leaving. She said yes.
It was her, the young girl who came by every day to give him apples. After 12 years, after the war and in another country.....they had met again. What are the odds? He proposed to her on that very night and told her he'd never again let her go. They are still happily married today.
Now that, my friends, is a love story. Miracles do happen, and there is a greater force at work in our lives.
One day, he told her not to come by anymore. He told her he was being shipped to another concentration camp. As he walked away with tears streaming down his face, he wondered if he'd ever see her again. She was the only kind soul he'd seen across the fence.
He made it out of the concentration camp, and immigrated to America. In 1957, his friends had fixed him up on a blind date. He had no idea who the woman was. He picked her up, and during dinner began talking of Poland and the concentration camp. She said she was in Poland at that time. She said she used to talk to a boy and gave him apples daily. He asked if this boy was tall, skinny and if he had told her that she shouldn't come back because he was leaving. She said yes.
It was her, the young girl who came by every day to give him apples. After 12 years, after the war and in another country.....they had met again. What are the odds? He proposed to her on that very night and told her he'd never again let her go. They are still happily married today.
Now that, my friends, is a love story. Miracles do happen, and there is a greater force at work in our lives.
What Life Is All About.
Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many friends you have. Or how many people call you. Or how accepted or unaccepted you are. Not about if you have plans this weekend. Or if you're alone. It isn't about who you're dating, who you use to date, how many people you've dated, or if you haven't been with anyone at all. It isn't about who you have kissed. It's not about sex. It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where you're sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, brown, or green. Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. Or what clubs you're in, or how good you are at "your" sport. It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will "accept the written you".
But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, pain, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could never occurred alone. Only you choose the way these hearts are affected and those choices are what life is all about.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to. It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, brown, or green. Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
It's not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everyone else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. Or if this teacher likes you, or if this guy/girl likes you. Or what clubs you're in, or how good you are at "your" sport. It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will "accept the written you".
But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It's about keeping or betraying trust. It's about friendship, used as sanctity, or as a weapon. It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip. It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, pain, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow and spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could never occurred alone. Only you choose the way these hearts are affected and those choices are what life is all about.
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