Question.
I've been seeing this girl for about a month now but I don't seem to be able to get to the next level. There is no question that she likes me since she keeps calling and suggesting to do things together. However, she insists on bringing up that she's gotten hurt in the past which apparently makes it hard for her to trust guys. According to me that is pretty damn dumb; we've all been hurt, haven't we. GET OVER IT! Anyway, my question to you is, how do I earn her trust? Are there any shortcuts? Help me out here bro!
Answer.
My guess:
You're probably acting like a WUSSY with her, and she doesn't feel any ATTRACTION for you.
She's probably hanging in there, hoping that SOME kind of feelings will develop for you... but it's not working.
Look, when a woman says:
"I only like you as a friend"
...or...
"I've been hurt, so I want to take this slow"
...or...
"I like you so much, I don't want to lose you as a friend"
...or any of the million variations of these things, it USUALLY means that you're not doing the things it takes to create ATTRACTION.
She doesn't FEEL IT for you.
And if she doesn't FEEL IT, then there ARE NO shortcuts, my man.
Stop being such a "nice" guy, and start doing the things you're learning from me to spark some CHEMISTRY!
Now let me answer the question of how to make a women fascinated by you.
This is a very very very FAQ.
I've learned a secret to impressing women that I'm going to share with you in this post.
It's a secret that probably not 1 in 1,000 men knows or will ever figure out on his own.
The REASON that most men will never figure out this particular secret is that it's TOO OBVIOUS.
Let me explain... I personally think that most men feel a very powerful desire to IMPRESS women. If you watch the way a man behaves when he's talking to a woman he's just met or a woman that he's on a first date with, you can SEE IT.
Maybe you've been there yourself. I know I have. The feeling that you need to impress a woman usually comes along with another feeling:
DON'T SCREW THIS UP.
Here are some of the signs that a guy is feeling the need to "impress" the woman that he's talking to:
1) He tries to only say "cool" things, or things that will "impress" the woman.
2) He acts nervous and stilted during the conversation... sometimes coming across as"formal" or probably awkward...
3) He tries to figure out what the woman wants to hear.
4) If he says something that the woman doesn't like, he "back-pedals" and tries to change what he said to suit the woman.
5) He doesn't say anything "risky", doesn't tease the woman, and doesn't do anything to upset her.
...in other words, when a guy is talking to a woman that he "likes", he's usually on his "best behavior", and he's trying to "put his best foot forward".
To say it again, MEN FEEL A POWERFUL DRIVE TO IMPRESS THE WOMAN THAT THEY "LIKE".
And this drive to impress often makes them act UNNATURAL. There's your first hint, in fact...
THE SECRET
Remember at the beginning when I told you that I was going to share a secret with you about how to impress women that not 1 in 1,000 men will figure out on their own? Well, here it is:
STOP TRYING.
If you will just STOP TRYING to impress women,and do the things I'm teaching you instead, women will NATURALLY be "impressed" by you.
TRYING TO IMPRESS A WOMAN DOESN'T IMPRESS HER. So let's break this down...
WHY IMPRESSING WOMEN IS THE WRONG ROAD?
What's wrong with trying to "impress" women, anyway? To start with, EVERYTHING.
When you intentionally try to impress a woman, you send the following messages on a "subtle" level:
1) I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I will try to "impress" you instead.
2) I'm not comfortable enough around women to just act normal.
3) I don't have a lot of experience with attractive women.
4) I'm insecure.
5) I don't know how to make women feel comfortable with me.
Ouch. But it's the truth.
Women can TELL INSTANTLY when you're "trying".
The conversation doesn't feel "normal", your body language is strange, and you can't seem to have a regular conversation. Now of course, I've just described the way that about 99.9999% of men act when they're first talking to a woman that they "like".
Are you ready for a profound insight? Here goes... MOST MEN DO THIS WITH MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMEN MOST OF THE TIME. IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S OLD NEWS. IT'S BORING. IT'S PREDICTABLE. AND IT DOES NOT IMPRESS AT ALL.
The bottom line is that trying to impress a woman usually has the OPPOSITE effect. It not only makes you look like a nervous guy who can't make normal conversation... it also bores the hell out of women.
WHAT TO DO INSTEAD
OK, so you're out having a cup of tea with a beautiful woman you just met a few days before... She asks you what you do for a living. Should you answer with:
1) "Well, I'm an engineer for a software company that makes sophisticated vector widget plotting algorithms. I've been with them for three years,and I'm about to be promoted to ALGORITHM MANAGER."
2) "I do stunt work. Have you ever seen it in a movie when a hot actor has to reveal his naked ass? That's my job." ...
Well, it all depends on what your outcome is. If you want to try and IMPRESS the girl with your cool high-tech job, then #1 will work just fine.
Unfortunately, it won't impress her at all, and it will make you sound like a jackass who is trying to sound cool. If you want to ACTUALLY impress her, try #2. Most men don't have the BALLS to say something like this when a woman asks a "serious" question like "What do you do?".
If you REALLY want to make a long-lasting impression, KEEP THE HUMOR GOING.
She'll say "No, really... what do you do?".
Answer with: "No, really. Haven't you ever seen it when an actor needs a stunt ass? I mean hey... someone's got to do it".
Now, I can't possibly go into all the reasons why it's a HUGE MISTAKE to try to impress a woman, or to feel like everything you say should be"impressive".
There are MANY reasons for this. MORE IMPORTANTLY, there are a few things you can do that will INSTANTLY impress a woman...and I mean REALLY impress her.
But these things aren't OBVIOUS. The most IMPORTANT thing you can do toIMPRESS a woman is make her feel a powerful emotional ATTRACTION for you. This feeling will stay with her long after you have left and gone home.
And it's the one thing that will make women pursue YOU... and try to impress YOU.
What's the best way to do this?
1) Stop trying to IMPRESS women!!!
Stop now!!!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Question.
Now... everyone has problems, and I'm usually strong enough to handle them.
However, within the law of attraction should you never be "weak"?
Hard call for a sensitive soul. What's the balance here?
Answer.
To answer your question "Should you ever be weak?", I say:
Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.
If a woman sees you as a "weak man", then trying to "be strong" will never work. You will only come across as a weak guy who's trying to"act strong".
On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a"real man"... one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a "weak moment" later on and actually have a woman respond in a very powerful, positive way.
In other words, if you're perceived as a "real man", then you can do whatever you want, and it will be perceived as part of that personality.
But if you are perceived as a "weak man", then NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman.
And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman's head.
Once you're thought of as a weak, nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman.
And it's not coming back on anytime soon.
So, the big question is, how do you project this "real man" image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?
Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being a mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.
This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.
Question.
Thank you, is all that I have to say. I'm doing better now than in college since I LET myself get wussified over the past few years. I can now, cold-turkey, walk up to just about any woman I want to, and bust her friggin' balls with a straight face and a slight smirk.
Their defense shields melt before my eyes. But, alas, I have a question. It seems when I'm meeting women, within an hour or so, I usually end up making out with them or touching them all over ...while they kiss and touch me back of course.
Getting numbers isn't enough. I want to advance the meeting from the bar or the party straight to the bed-room without all the email and phone call. What is the best way of doing that?
Also....after making out with this one chick I met, after meeting her in a parking lot at some famous delicasy place (go figure), she emails me back a week later saying she wants to pursue friendship first and get to know me. It seems I am perhaps being too agressive. How can I be agressive yet sly about it? Any help would be great. I love this stuff!
Answer.
To answer your first question, about how to skip all the emails, calling, and "dating" and go straight to the bedroom...
Do two things:
1) Don't focus on "the bedroom". Focus on taking things to the next step... and the next... and the next.
2) As soon as you meet a woman, treat it like you're going on a date together.
Let me explain.
If you meet a girl you really like, spark some major chemistry, start kissing her, etc. you're probably going to get some resistance if you look at her and say "OK, let's leave your friends here and go back to my place so I can FUCK you".
That's just a hunch. Worry not.
But, if you meet her, spark the attraction, start kissing, and then say... "Hey, come with me", and then take her hand and lead her to another part of the club or bar... or take her to the dance floor... or some combination... and then start kissing again... and then stop (two forward,one back)... and then say, "Hey, I'm going to this other bar, come along with me"... and then once you're there you continue, all the way until closing, when you say, "Hey, let's keep talking...this is fun. Give me a ride home..." etc., etc.,etc....
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
A woman wants to feel that things are developing naturally, not that you are just trying to get her into bed as fast as you can.
If the evening unfolds in a normal, natural way, and you can progress from one level to the next, you'll do very well and go very far.
Why do you lead her to another part of the club, and then take her somewhere else?
Physically leading a woman is VERY powerful, and leaving together/showing up somewhere else together changes things. When you arrive at the new place, even though you're the same two people that just met, you're now TOGETHER at the new place.
And when you suggest continuing to talk, and her giving you a ride home (or some variation), it's not like saying "Come fuck me". You're making it clear that you want to spend time with her, and it leaves the possibility of ANYTHING happening open.
And as for the girl you met in the parking lot who emailed you a week later saying "Let's pursue a friendship first", what she was probably REALLY saying is:
"I can't believe that I made out with you after meeting you in some parking lot . I'm not like that. So let's get together sometime on a more casual basis, and if you DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET I'LL PROBABLY END UP MAKING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN."
Think about it.
Now... everyone has problems, and I'm usually strong enough to handle them.
However, within the law of attraction should you never be "weak"?
Hard call for a sensitive soul. What's the balance here?
Answer.
To answer your question "Should you ever be weak?", I say:
Most men act weak ALL THE TIME when they are in the presence of an attractive woman. This is a big problem.
If a woman sees you as a "weak man", then trying to "be strong" will never work. You will only come across as a weak guy who's trying to"act strong".
On the other hand, a guy who is thought of as a"real man"... one who does not act weak during the first several interactions with a woman, can have a "weak moment" later on and actually have a woman respond in a very powerful, positive way.
In other words, if you're perceived as a "real man", then you can do whatever you want, and it will be perceived as part of that personality.
But if you are perceived as a "weak man", then NOTHING you can do will trigger the strong gut-level attraction inside of a woman.
And nothing will change that picture inside of a woman's head.
Once you're thought of as a weak, nice, ass-kissing guy, it's like an invisible switch gets switched off inside of a woman.
And it's not coming back on anytime soon.
So, the big question is, how do you project this "real man" image? How do you be yourself while at the same time doing the things that create attraction? How do you act in an authentic way, while amplifying those parts of your personality that are most likely to trigger the attraction mechanism inside of women?
Part of the answer is to realize that just about every communication has several levels of meaning. When you tease, act cocky and funny, and bust a woman's balls, you could viewed as being a mean jerk. Or, if you do it right you can be viewed as an interesting, sexy man.
This is a critical concept, and you need to understand it if you want to succeed with women.
Question.
Thank you, is all that I have to say. I'm doing better now than in college since I LET myself get wussified over the past few years. I can now, cold-turkey, walk up to just about any woman I want to, and bust her friggin' balls with a straight face and a slight smirk.
Their defense shields melt before my eyes. But, alas, I have a question. It seems when I'm meeting women, within an hour or so, I usually end up making out with them or touching them all over ...while they kiss and touch me back of course.
Getting numbers isn't enough. I want to advance the meeting from the bar or the party straight to the bed-room without all the email and phone call. What is the best way of doing that?
Also....after making out with this one chick I met, after meeting her in a parking lot at some famous delicasy place (go figure), she emails me back a week later saying she wants to pursue friendship first and get to know me. It seems I am perhaps being too agressive. How can I be agressive yet sly about it? Any help would be great. I love this stuff!
Answer.
To answer your first question, about how to skip all the emails, calling, and "dating" and go straight to the bedroom...
Do two things:
1) Don't focus on "the bedroom". Focus on taking things to the next step... and the next... and the next.
2) As soon as you meet a woman, treat it like you're going on a date together.
Let me explain.
If you meet a girl you really like, spark some major chemistry, start kissing her, etc. you're probably going to get some resistance if you look at her and say "OK, let's leave your friends here and go back to my place so I can FUCK you".
That's just a hunch. Worry not.
But, if you meet her, spark the attraction, start kissing, and then say... "Hey, come with me", and then take her hand and lead her to another part of the club or bar... or take her to the dance floor... or some combination... and then start kissing again... and then stop (two forward,one back)... and then say, "Hey, I'm going to this other bar, come along with me"... and then once you're there you continue, all the way until closing, when you say, "Hey, let's keep talking...this is fun. Give me a ride home..." etc., etc.,etc....
I think you can see where I'm going with this.
A woman wants to feel that things are developing naturally, not that you are just trying to get her into bed as fast as you can.
If the evening unfolds in a normal, natural way, and you can progress from one level to the next, you'll do very well and go very far.
Why do you lead her to another part of the club, and then take her somewhere else?
Physically leading a woman is VERY powerful, and leaving together/showing up somewhere else together changes things. When you arrive at the new place, even though you're the same two people that just met, you're now TOGETHER at the new place.
And when you suggest continuing to talk, and her giving you a ride home (or some variation), it's not like saying "Come fuck me". You're making it clear that you want to spend time with her, and it leaves the possibility of ANYTHING happening open.
And as for the girl you met in the parking lot who emailed you a week later saying "Let's pursue a friendship first", what she was probably REALLY saying is:
"I can't believe that I made out with you after meeting you in some parking lot . I'm not like that. So let's get together sometime on a more casual basis, and if you DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID WHEN WE FIRST MET I'LL PROBABLY END UP MAKING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN."
Think about it.
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