Thursday, July 3, 2008

How does Romance apply to attraction?

You've probably noticed that I don't talk about the idea of "romance" very often.

There's a good reason for this.

I think that most guys use romance incompletely the wrong way, and in the process screw up their chances with the woman that they are interested in.

I'm going to take some time here to talk about my personal perspective on romance, how it is misused, and how to use it to really make a woman feel attracted to you.

Most guys make one of two main mistakes when trying to be "romantic":

1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.

2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more must be better.

Let me ask you this... What does romance mean to you?

I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.

Does romance mean gifts and flower?

Does it mean fancy dinners?

Does it mean candles and soft music?

To me, romance is about showing a softer side of yourself... a more thoughtful side... in a way that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction for you.

Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and the effect is lost.

Here's a quiz:

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.

2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw her, but it was her favorite flower, in her favorite color.


Here's another one...

In general, would a woman think you were more romantic if you:

1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw her.

2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and told her the story of how it came to be a family favorite?

Do you see where I'm going with these examples?

"Romance" is all about the context of the situation. In other words, little things that are thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more of an impact than trying to do everything you possibly can all the time.

Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me not"?

This is a famous cliche...

What's going on here? And why is it now such a famous idea that it is almost universally known?

Because it strikes a chord inside of women everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of thinking about a man and wondering if he's thinking about her.

Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "He loves me, he loves me not", is just another way of saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know how he feels."

As you know, if you've read most of my older post I think that it's important toCREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly possible.

Now, here's where romance fits into the puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider to be "romantic" all the time, then she has nothing to wonder about... nothing to think about... there is no challenge or mystery at all.

On the other hand, if you use romance more carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside...and cause her to work even harder to get and keep your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU!

So what are some things you can do, that women see as romantic, without going overboard?

Well, if you want to do the typical things like flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool when the emotional reaction comes!

She's probably going to be very happy and want to know "where that came from." Just tell her that you were thinking about her and move on to the next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude.

By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47 times, and you don't know if she likes you, and you're now thinking, "Oh, hey... great idea! I'll buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to me..." then get a new idea.

Romance isn't a way to make a woman feel attracted to you.

Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is already happening.


Attraction is created by factors other than gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.

If she's not feeling attracted to you, then showing her that you're attracted to her probably isn't going to change it... in fact, it may just push her away.

I know, I know... you once heard about a guy who pursued a woman for 9 years until she finally gave in and married him. Well, that might work, but I don't have 9 years (unless it's Cindy Crawford... yeah, I know she's like 50, but she's STILL hot).

Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas. You can cook her a special meal that has meaning... and tell the story behind it. Stories are romantic, especially if the story contains a love story.

And small gifts can be romantic as well (I don't like big gifts because they change the dynamic of the relationship and can create all kinds of feelings that it's a trade of affection for money, etc.).

If you pay attention, a woman will mention something that she really likes. It could be a kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc. If you want to be romantic (after you know that she's attracted to you) you can get something thoughtful then write a card that says, "I was thinking about you, and I found this... thought you would like it. Muakx."

Use romance as the spice, and not the main dish. Use it to amplify, not as your main strategy.

Romance combined with the techniques that I teach is a VERY powerful combination.

QUICK NOTE: One of the most "romantic" things you can possibly do is learn how to communicate with women on a "sexual" level. There's nothing as powerful as using subtle communication to put a woman into a VERY romantic mood.


We just talked about how most guys either have no clue about romance, or they use it too much...which screws up everything for them.

There is one aspect of romance that I have found very useful to know more about and use. It's the concept of how to create a SETTING that will create more of a feeling of attraction inside of the woman that you are with.

WARNING: What I'm about to share with you is not a magic bullet. It's no substitute for a cocky, funny personality and great skills. Using this alone will not make you successful with women.

With that said... I've found that there are a few things you can do in your immediate environment to "accelerate the mood", so to speak,when you are with a woman.

Women have very active senses... usually much more so than men.

If you have already sparked the attraction between you and her, introducing certain sensory stimulus will usually increase the attraction, and can lead to a more, shall we say "physical" demonstration of that attraction.

OK, let's say that you've had a fun night out with your girl and you're back at your place.

And then you use the Kiss Test, which involves alot about going forward and pulling back while kissing during the right moments.

Well, most guys make the HUGE mistake of trying to grope the poor girl... which, of course leads to the inevitable "I think that we're moving a little fast. Let's take things slower."(Translation: "None for you tonight, and if you try that again, none for you anytime in the next 10 dates.")

Instead, try this:

After that first kiss, pull back and look into her eyes and say, "Yum." Then stand up and say,"Let me see if I can do something about this setting" in a fun, smooth, kind-of suspenseful tone of voice.

Here's the recipe:

1) A few candles

2) Some incense

3) A glass of wine (if you both drink)

4) Some Air Supply on low

I know it sounds simple, but let me explain the recipe now that you know the ingredients.

Do the 2 steps forward and then 1 step back comcept. Mix up these ingredients with that concept... and VIOLA! More and MORE AND MORE attraction.

You probably don't need to learn how to light candles, open wine, and play music. If you do, refer to the instructions that come with the products.

I personally like to introduce these as great ways to interrupt the kissing (and whatever else is going on).

Try this:

1) Kiss Kiss

2) "Let me see if I can do something about this setting"

3) Light candles and incense, lower lighting

4) Kiss Kiss

5) Open wine and put on Air Supply

6) Kiss Kiss

7) Watch out... because something good is about to happen.

Here's what's going on in her mind:

"Oh, we're kissing. I'd better not let this go too far."

"What? Why did he stop kissing me? Oh, candles. I love candles..."

"Wow, this is turning into a make-out session, maybe I'd better put on the brakes."

"What? Why did he stop again?"

"Ohhh, I LOVE 'Air Supply'. They are just fantastic. And this wine is nice. Hmm, I wonder why he isn't trying to jump my bones. Maybe he doesn't think I'm a good kisser. Maybe he changed his mind. Well I'm not going to let that happen. I'll show him..."

Do you get it?

By simultaneously creating tension while making the setting more and more 'romantic', you will stir up her ATTRACTION towards you and make her be the one who ultimately gets so worked up that she can't help but have you.


Of course there are many other things you can do that are romantic. Like sprinkling rose petals on the bed, pulling out some chocolate, etc. . .

It's really up to you.

The key is to use these things sparingly, and use them with the concepts that you've already learned to AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION that you've already created with your COMMUNICATION.

So remember, use these things with women who are ALREADY feeling the attraction, not to create it!

Why do women feel attraction for jerks?

Why do women feel attracted to jerks?

Now I realized that JERKS attract hot women.

But why?

Selfish behavior, as unhealthy as this might sound, often makes women feel attracted to you.

Sarcasm, ball busting, playing hard to get and all kinds of other "illogical" things really do work when it comes to attracting women.

But, then there is this dilemma...

I love the idea of being successful with women but, I HATE the idea of mistreating people, being mean to them, lying and being misleading, etc.

Deep down, I wanted to be a good guy.

I decided that there MUST be a way to make this work, and to attract women without being ABUSIVE.

The good news is that THERE IS a way.

But, it requires that you put aside your current ideas for just long enough to entertain some new ones.

First, let me say that I believe I've found a way to take the things that JERKS do to attract women and use them WITHOUT THE ABUSE. When you learn to do this, you can really have the best of both worlds... you can be nice to women on your own terms, and give them what they REALLY want, and what REALLY attracts them.


The short answer is that they don't CHOOSE it, it's something that just HAPPENS.


It's an emotional response to certain things.

Women don't CHOOSE to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for jerks any more than YOU choose to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for young, beautiful, firm and tight women.

Nature has preprogrammed MEN with a mechanism that works like this:


Well, women have a similar mechanism. But I think that the female version is MORE COMPLEX.

Yes, women do feel attraction for extremely handsome men... but they feel a MUCH STRONGER ATTRACTION for certain PERSONALITY TRAITS and BEHAVIORS than they do for physical looks alone.

So, again the short answer is that it's just something that "happens" inside of a women.

She doesn't "choose" it.

So, what is it about the "jerk" that creates this powerful, uncontrollable ATTRACTION inside of women?

Let me answer first by telling you what IT'S NOT:

It's NOT the abuse (not usually anyway). I don't believe that women are attracted to that abusive, mean, negative part of the "jerk personality".

I think that jerks JUST HAPPEN to also possess several ATTRACTIVE qualities that are SO POWERFUL that they literally make women BLIND to the abuse... women will rationalize and excuse the abusive behavior because they are so attracted to these other qualities.

Here's a PARTIAL list of what creates that ATTRACTION:

- Unpredictable

- Uncontrollable

- Challenging

- Dominant

Of course, there are many more, but this will get us started for this discussion.

The qualities I've listed above, when presented correctly, trigger the natural "attraction mechanism" inside of women.

Jerks have taken natural qualities that are ATTRACTIVE to women a little "too far".

But because they're still there, the qualities trigger the attraction anyway.

So, what does this mean to you?

Well, the most important thing is that it means you can still be a good guy AND attract women at the same time.

You're probably going to have to learn how to flirt in a different way, become a little more comfortable being challenging to women, etc. But, in the end, you'll find that this will get you what you want and still allow you to treat women well... all on your own terms.

It also means that instead of being the guy who women talk to about their relationship problems and how their mean jerk boyfriend is being abusive again... you can be the guy who they're dating and sleeping with!


Now, I'd like you to take time to think about what I've said here.

Think about how you can cultivate the four qualities that I've mentioned above into your personality.

See if you can be a little less predictable.

Don't let outside events or women control you.

Be more of a challenge.

Stop being submissive... and get in touch with that side of you that is more dominant (I said"dominant", not "domineering").

This will give you a GREAT head start.