Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I realized something recently that I'm sure you and a lot of other guys have encountered. When I talk to my guy friends about girls I'm dating or interested in, they tend to encourage and push me to action. When I talk to my female friends about girls I'm dating or interested in, they tend to say negative things about the girl and plant doubts in my head. What do you think about that? Even though there's no romantic interest between me and my female friends, are they acting competitive on some subconscious level?

-A student willing to learn-

My respond.


If you think MEN are competitive, just wait until you start dating more WOMEN.

You will not believe how competitive women are.

A friend of mine pointed something out to me a few years ago.

He said "You know when you go out to a nice bar or club, and all the women are dressed up, have their hair done, and their makeup perfect? Well they're not fixed up like that for the's for the other WOMEN."

Now, at first that made no sense to me.

But the more I've paid close attention, the more I realize that it's RIGHT ON.

Women are VERY competitive.

In fact, one of the best ways to meet women is to GO OUT with a cute female friend (or more than one).

Women are always more interested in a guy who already has women around him than a guy who doesn't.

This is one of the reasons why so many married guys talk about how much more often they're approached by women now that they're married...

People always want something that's already wanted by other people.

Female psychology is VERY interesting.

I've noticed a KEY difference between the way
men and women act when they meet a "potential

Women usually act in a way that can be
characterized like this:

"You're interesting to me. I'd like to get to know
you better, and we can see where this goes."

Men usually act in a way that can be
characterized like this:

"I am so interested in you that I'm nervous. In
fact, I'm already thinking of you as a potential
girlfriend or wife... or at least a one-night

In other words, women are usually casual and
laid-back when they're first meeting a guy...

But GUYS tend to act like every girl is a

As you can imagine, this creates a lot of
tension and pressure.

And I'm not talking about the GOOD kind,

I'm talking about the kind that makes men
shiver and shake with nervousness, and women feel
uncomfortable because the MAN is acting

I KNOW that you can relate to this in some way.


The simple solution to this is...


If you start acting all freakish and nervous
when you're talking to a woman, you're probably
going to screw things up before they've even had a
chance to get started.

Treating a woman that you've just met as if she
very well could be the love of your life is
something you should NEVER do.

Instead, take a very different approach.

My favorite is to ASSUME that every woman has
SOMETHING that's going to annoy me, bother me, or

The MAIN reason that I do this...




The fact is that MOST women are NOT compatible
"long term" with most men. In other words, if you
do get into a long-term relationship with a
particular woman, the chances are that she's going
to have things about her that you don't like.

One of my lines to
follow is, "You're screwing up your chances with

Let's say I'm walking down the street with a
girl to have a cup of tea. Let's assume that she
and I just met the night before, I got her number,
and now we're going from her place to tea.

On the way in the door to the coffee shop, she
trips over the doorway.

I might look at her, shake my head in an
"overly dramatic fake annoyed" way, and say, "This
relationship just isn't going to work".

Then, let's say fifteen minutes later, she
spills her tea on the table and herself.

I'll shake my head again and say, "What did I
tell you about this kind of behavior?".

In other words, I'm communicating the very
OPPOSITE of "You're a potential wife". I'm saying,
"I'm so comfortable around you that I can even
make fun of you without caring what you think of

Does this sound a little crazy?

Good. It should.

But trust me.

If you spend a couple of hours having regular,
normal conversation... being Cocky & Funny,
enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and
generally demonstrating that you could care less
how things turn out, you'll be FAR more likely to
take things further than if you act as if she
might be the love of your life and you wind up
acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs

So here it is again... one thing that most guys
who are unsuccessful with women do that screws
things up... one thing to AVOID:


Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about
her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her
that she's a nice friend. Assume that she has
qualities that are going to annoy you, then point
them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).

Don't lose your composure. It can be fatal if
you do.

Another note:

Most guys don't "get" women.

And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks
and "pick up lines" when it comes time to LEARN
how to meet women.

They don't realize that all the tricks in the
world aren't going to help them if they don't
UNDERSTAND what's "going on".

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Fascinating, you might find it to be.


"The Guy in the bar Story...

Well *the guy in the bar story* revolves around a guy who was in a bar and he approached this really really hot bartender, and he flirted with her and all, and he finally got her number, and then he left.

Now when I mention this story to a selected few, they were enquiring about why he left the bar as soon as he got the waitress's phone number.

Why should he have left the bar as soon as he got the waitress' phone number?

This is "Ultra Extra Important" as you said. I think I know why he should have left, he was probably staring at her all night and she was turned off by it, but give me your complete insight on why he should have left immediately after getting her e-mail or phone number.

As I said before, this concept is VERY important.

Understanding why you need to leave at this point is part of understanding the dynamic called ATTRACTION.

So before I get into the specifics, let's talk about the underlying process that creates ATTRACTION...

1) ATTRACTION isn't a choice. It's an emotional reaction.

ATTRACTION is nature's way of taking over our minds and bodies long enough to make sure that we mate with someone with the best possible genes.

I realize that this sounds pretty "clinical" "scientific"and lame, but it's the damn truth.

Attraction isn't concerned with you, her, or love. It's evolved over a loooong period of time,and it has a purpose that is very important.

2) ATTRACTION isn't logical, in the sense that it isn't created by things that "should" create it.

Buying women dinner and gifts, giving lots of compliments when you first meet a woman, and kissing up to women to get their approval are examples of "logical" things that SHOULD create attraction... but don't.

When you understand how attraction works, you begin to see that it has a "logic" all on its own.
Attraction is one of my favorite subjects...and I think you should really understand it if you want to be successful with women.

3) Women aren't attracted to guys who act like needy Wuss-Bags. When guys give lots of compliments, seek approval, act clingy, or try to go out of their way to be overly "nice", it usually backfires.

Women run from Wussy men (either that or they go shoe shopping with them... and the guy usually pays).

4) Unfortunately, many guys are mentally programmed to a sort of "Default Wussy" mode of behavior when they encounter a woman that they're attracted to.

When you combine this Default Wuss mode with nervous body language, you create an almost impossible barrier between you and ever creating ATTRACTION.

5) Just like a painting or a song, too much can ruin an interaction with a woman.

You must know when to leave, hang up, or end the interaction.

Leaving at the right moment creates tension, anticipation and mystery.


Of course, there are more ingredients to ATTRACTION, but these will set the stage for where I'm going with this...

In every situation, you can do something to INCREASE the ATTRACTION... and you can do something to DECREASE it. In other words, there's always a way to dial up this magical emotion.
And yes, you can increase the ATTRACTION even when you've just met. In fact, this is often the best time to do it.

Let me ask you a question...

What would most guys do in the situation with the waitress (or maybe a bartender)?

Imagine it.

You're in a bar, you're chatting with the cute gal serving drinks or behind the bar. You're being Cocky and Funny, busting on her, etc. and she's enjoying your company.

You say "Hey, give me ur number!"
(notice how I wasn't asking, I was in fact telling her to give me)
and she writes it down for you... or maybe dials her number on yourphone, or maybe gives you a miss call or whatever.


You could...

a) Sit there and keep talking.

b) Stay and talk to her a few more times.

c) Wait around hoping that you can go homewith her.

d) Leave.

So let's do a little critical thinking about this situation before I comment (or maybe this will be the comment, we'll see).

If you:

(a) sit there and keep talking, what's likely to happen?

In my experience, unless you're the ultimatePlayer of all time, the only place to go is DOWN.

Think about it... you got her info. You did it. She's working. She's only going to get busy, which will probably make the conversation more difficult.

And then there's the risk of saying or doing something stupid, getting too drunk to make sense, or just having the interaction go cold.

All in all, you have very little chance of anything good happening, and a great chance of having something not-so-good happening.

Doesn't sound like a very good idea to me.

If you:

(b) stay there in the bar (maybe join friends thatshow up), and talk to her a few more times whileordering drinks, etc. what is likely to happen?

Again, we're dealing with a situation that almost can't get any BETTER.

Remember, she already gave you the info. Now she might start thinking "Oh, this is just another loser that hangs out all night and gets drunk with his buddies... like the other 47 guys who hit on me."

Or you might say something something dumb... or any of a lot of things.

All downside risk, no upside rewards.

If you:

(c) wait around hoping that you can go home with her, I think you're REALLY taking your chances in the situation.

Again, unless you're the ultimate player of all time, you're not likely to be taking home the bartender by sitting in front of her and drinking all night... for the same reasons listed above.

But what if:

(d) YOU LEFT IMMEDIATELY after getting her info?

What effect does DISAPPEARING have on an interaction like this one?

Well, let me ask you:

What effect does disappearing have IN GENERAL on people?

It creates curiosity, mystery, etc. It makes the other person think "I wonder where he/she had to go so fast?"

You can also combine this with having something very INTERESTING to do. For instance, you might say:

"Nice talking to you... I'm going to go meet up with some friends to have some SERIOUS fun."

This technique of leaving the moment after you've gotten a woman's information has worked WONDERS for me... and for many guys I know.

The long and the short of it is that if you stick around after you get the info, you create no tension, no mystery, and no curiosity.

Leaving also exerts confidence.

On the other hand, if you LEAVE IMMEDIATELY,and have something interesting (even if you don't say what it is) to go do, then you're seen as busy... the kind of guy who has a life... someone who is in demand.

Leaving turns up the ATTRACTION. It creates curiosity.

Women are used to guys hanging on, clinging,and generally NOT having other things to do.

It's something that will INSTANTLY separate you from other guys, and something that will demonstrate all the right qualities with a single move.

Remember, you can do things to INCREASE or DECREASE the ATTRACTION in any given situation. I recommend that you start thinking of how to increase it as much as you possibly can, because if a woman feels ATTRACTION, then almost nothing else matters.

Questions and Answers. You might find it somewhat useful.


You've stated numerous times how personality is more important than the other 2 biggies: looks and money. What is your take on shows like "Joe Millionaire" where the star is usually has money and / or good looks? I mean, it's not called "Joe Personality", and they didn't pick Quasimodo to be the star, so it seems to me they're discounting the personality aspect altogether. Just curious about your opinion.Thanks...

This is a GREAT question.

I'm sure that more than one guy has seen some handsome guy drive by in a Ferrari with a smoking hot babe next to him and thought, "Looks and money appear to be important factors when it comes to babes".

It doesn't take 20 years of studying human behavior to figure out that looks and money attract women.

But, what YOU'RE suggesting here, by the way you're phrasing your question, is that all other things being equal, LOOKS and MONEY are MORE important than personality... and that, in fact, if a man has those things, he can attract more women than a guy that doesn't have the benefit of good looks or money (but who has the most attractive personality).

Did that make sense?

That sounded like a math problem from high school.


My point is, that if you have good looks, and lots of money, you will definitely have an advantage.

Money will allow you to hang out in places of prestige like clubs, Starbucks, Luna Bar, where a drink is forty bucks... and there are lots of babes there.

Looks will allow you to create good 1st impressions, as well as it also helps in creating sexual tensions as well.

But here's the KEY...

A guy who is AMAZINGLY handsome and SUPER rich will still fail MOST of the time with the women he interacts with if his PERSONALITY isn't together. And especially if he's too much of a WUSSY. (wussy = a guy that behaves like a girl.)

On the other hand, a guy who REALLY understands what makes women feel ATTRACTION, and knows how to interact with them in a way that grabs their attention and keeps it can succeed often, even if he's broke and ugly.

You'll notice that the rich and handsome guys that are the chick magnets are the ones who ALSO understand women - and have Cocky, Funny, Dominant personalities as well.

The reason why the show you're referring to gets so much attention has NOTHING TO DO with the logic you're using.

The appeal of the show is the CONCEPT, combined with the scandal/fairytale elements (not to mention a bunch of hot women to look at).

Think about it.

I get far too many emails from:

1) Guys who are successful, rich and good-looking who are very unsuccessful with women, and...

2) Average-looking, average-income guys who have TONS of success with women...

Money and looks help, but a man who understands women,communication, and ATTRACTION will be more successful than a rich, handsome guy who doesn't.


I gotta say this. You're seriously awesome. You've opened up my mind and made everything crystal clear for me. Ever since I've learned those stuff from you, I have had more success with women, hot women, then I ever thought possible and the funny part is that it just took me to be me and be the man that I am. Thanks buddy! question. I noticed something funny the past few times I was out with some hot women. I would make the meeting, we would get together and while we were together everything is going great then at some point, deep in my head I would get the thought that this girl isn't what I want and she is lucky I'm here with her. My behavior didn't change, just the thought of not proceeding with her, but instantly they've turned into wussie's. It was like they could read my mind and know they weren't up to par with me. Whats up with that. Can they read stuff like that? It was an instant flip...I mean instant.

One more question. If a girl of interest keeps on begging you to open up about your life, I'm not talking about feelings, just about your life, is that a bad idea. Is that a wussie behavior?


OK, you're touching on something here that is VERY powerful.

I could probably write 20 pages on this topic alone.

Here's the deal...

Women are MUCH better at reading body language than men.

And, as you should know, we humans respond VERY powerfully to body language in general.

The more you interact with women, and the more you use what you're learning from me, the more you'll find that women will FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.

In other words, when you chase a woman, she'll run.

When you play hard to get, she'll pursue you.

If you do things to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then begin to lose interest and behave in a "less interested" way, women will become insecure and start acting like needy Wuss guys. Really.

In fact, one of the things you'll find as you become more and more successful is that women will start becoming VERY attached to you VERY quickly.

Next time you are at a coffee shop, walk up to the counter and greet the person at the register as if they're an old friend that you haven't seen for a few months.

Say "Heyyyy... how have you been doing?" with a big smile.

Watch as they respond to you THE SAME WAY.

We humans respond to subtle body language so instantly and so powerfully that it sometimes scares me.


I just want to say thank you. Thanks to you, I am beginning to learn how to control myself and have more confidence towards women, but there has been a problem I've had for quite some time now.

The problem is: when should I do things for a woman? Such as if she asks me to go to her car for something, or to go and buy her something out a vending machine we have in our office. Or even making copies of documents for her.

I usually don't mind doing these things for women,but I sometimes feel like I'm just some pet to her and she doesn't really care who I am as long as I'm her "do Boy".

I would like the help of a experienced master for help.


I actually think it's fine if you do things for women, buy them things, make copies for them...and fetch whatever her heart desires from the vending machine at work as long as you're not doing it to seek approval from her or whatsoever.

But here's the thing, if you're not seeking her approval or whatsoever, why are you doing it then?

As you can clearly see, you're missing one VERY important piece of the puzzle here.
If you're gonna go and do all those things for a girl:

I recommend that you IMMEDIATELY go out and buy yourself a fine collar, and a good leather leash to go with it.

The next time a woman asks you to go to the car for something, just mention that you needed a "walk" anyway, and ask her if she'd mind holding your leash.

Then take it out, put it on yourself, and hand her the "Master" end of it.

Any other questions?


1. I have been Cocky and Funny pretty well, and my dates respond as they should. The problem comes later. How should I end a date? What to say and do?

2. This is one that is throwing me off:

At least five times recently, I ended a date that was very successful by all accounts. Being Cocky and Funny kept it lively and my date interested and attracted. The date ends with her saying she really wants to get together again soon, etc. The next day, I receive an e-mail or an sms saying something like, "On my way home, I thought about the date and I just want to take things slowly" or "I apologize for being so forward, I don't know what came over me. I don't want to lead you on, and I have decided I am not going to date anyone for a while." !!! Three women told me I was their last date for a while because they were so confused!
What is going on, bro?

Oh, you are running into a VERY interesting problem here.

And the answer is probably not at all what you'd expect.

My guess is that these women are feeling VERY attracted to you, but you're not taking things to a PHYSICAL level with them, so they're getting confused and excusing themselves.

If you go out with a woman, and she feels ATTRACTED to you, but you don't do anything with that attraction, and instead say "OK, good night" , you will scare women away.
You have to realise that being unpredictable means responding to a women in a way that she's not expecting you to;
You on the other hand, I assume, wasn't being responsive at all.

If you're going to be turning them on, you'd better take the next step.

You gotta add more fuel to the flame.

You feel me?

That should solve your problem, bro.