Friendship and what is it all about...

This will be a post regarding friendship and what is it really all about.
I shall start with a few famous peoples opinion and philosophies regarding friendship.

Aristotle on friendship.

Friendship... is a kind of virtue, or implies virtue, and it is also most necessary for living. Nobody would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other good things.... There are, however, not a few divergent views about friendship. Some hold that it is a matter of similarity: that our friends are those who are like ourselves... Others take the contrary view....
There are three kinds of friendship....

Friendship based on utility.

Utility is an impermanent things: it changes according to circumstances. So with the disappearance of the ground for friendship, the friendship also breaks up, because that was what kept it alive. Friendships of this kind seem to occur most frequently between the elderly (because at their age what they want is not pleasure but utility) and those in middle or early life who are pursuing their own advantage. Such persons do not spend much time together, because sometimes they do not even like one another, and therefore feel no need of such an association unless they are mutually useful. For they take pleasure in each other’s company only in so far as they have hopes of advantage from it. Friendships with foreigners are generally included in this class.

Friendship based on pleasure.

Friendship between the young is thought to be grounded on pleasure, because the lives of the young are regulated by their feelings, and their chief interest is in their own pleasure and the opportunity of the moment. With advancing years, however, their tastes change too, so that they are quick to make and to break friendships; because their affection changes just as the things that please them do and this sort of pleasure changes rapidly. Also the young are apt to fall in love, for erotic friendship is for the most part swayed by the feelings and based on pleasure. That is why they fall in and out of friendship quickly, changing their attitude often within the same day. But the young do like to spend the day and live together, because that is how they realize the object of their friendship.

Perfect friendship is based on goodness.

Only the friendship of those who are good, and similar in their goodness, is perfect. For these people each alike wish good for the other qua good, and they are good in themselves. And it is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality. Accordingly the friendship of such men lasts so long as they remain good; and goodness is an enduring quality. Also each party is good both absolutely and for his friend, since the good are both good absolutely and useful to each other. Similarly they please one another too; for the good are pleasing both absolutely and to each other; because everyone is pleased with his own conduct and conduct that resembles it, and the conduct of good men is the same or similar. Friendship of this kind is permanent, reasonably enough; because in it are united all the attributes that friends ought to possess. For all friendship has as its object something good or pleasant — either absolutely or relatively to the person who feels the affection — and is based on some similarity between the parties. But in this friendship all the qualities that we have mentioned belong to the friends themselves; because in it there is similarity, etc.; and what is absolutely good is also absolutely pleasant; and these are the most lovable qualities. Therefore it is between good men that both love and friendship are chiefly found and in the highest form.

That such friendships are rare is natural, because men of this kind are few. And in addition they need time and intimacy; for as the saying goes, you cannot get to know each other until you have eaten the proverbial quantity of salt together. Nor can one man accept another, or the two become friends, until each has proved to the other that he is worthy of love, and so won his trust. Those who are quick to make friendly advances to each other have the desire to be friends, but they are not unless they are worthy of love and know it. The wish for friendship develops rapidly, but friendship does not.



C. S. Lewis on friendship.

Companionship is, however, only the matrix of Friendship. It is often called Friendship, and many people when they speak of their 'friends' mean only their companions. But it is not Friendship in the sense I give to the word. By saying this I do not at all intend to disparage the merely Clubabble relation. We do not disparage silver by distinguishing it from gold.

Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one'....

In our own time Friendship arises in the same way. For us of course the shared activity and therefore the companionship on which Friendship supervenes will not often be a bodily one like hunting or fighting. It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession, even a common recreation. All who share it will be our companions, but one or two or three who share something more will be our Friends. In this kind of love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? - Or at least, 'Do you care about the same truth?' The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance, can be our Friend. he need not agree with us about the answer.

Our experience of friendship alters with age.

There has been a substantial amount of research and model-making around the development of children's abilities to make friends. One way of presenting this is as a stage-based model. One approach is to use a five stage model:

Aged 3-4
Children start to use the term 'friend' to describe playmates.

Aged 4-7
Children start to appreciate that own views and identity is different from others.

Aged 6-12
Children start to be able to 'put themselves in other peoples' shoes'.

Aged 9-15
Children/young people are able to take on the perspective of a 'third person'; to look at interactions and, thus, to work on relationships.

Aged 15+
There is a recognition that individual friendship is part of a larger network of relationships - and that friends are linked with others in 'personal communities'.


The final stage here, if achieved, is seen to continue into adulthood.

Dependence and independence are perceived as having a dialectical relationship with each other. Friends rely on each other both for support and a sense of personal identity, but also accept that each needs the space to develop relationships with others. There follows a growth in maturity through such experiences.

Models such as this are notoriously slippery and subject to considerable debate and disagreement - and can lead to rather wooden interventions to ensure that children have reached the appropriate stage. This said, it does seem to be fairly reasonable to work on the basis that the quality of the relationships one is able to form as a child and young person will have a significant impact on the nature of the friendships we are able to make in adult life. However, it is also important to recognize that the effect of these experiences is not set in stone. Adults can transcend, for example, rejection by peers at school.

As people enter the labour market, move in with partners, have children and so on, there is an impact on the character of the friendships they are able to develop and sustain. From the preceding discussion we can see that context and setting play a significant role. Friendship needs time, space and material resources to develop and will be impacted upon by the particular social environment and setting in which it arises. The nature of friendship among older people has excited a significant amount of scholarly attention - not surprisingly by gerontologists.

Friendship is of great significance to older people - as partners and relatives die, friends play an increasingly important role in people's lives. This is especially the case where the person does not have children - or where they live at a significant distance. Club-going and associational life
emerges as a strong feature of such friendship - and opens up wider networks into which pairs of friends can integrate.

My definition of friendship.

What I personally feel about friendship is that friends are chosen simply by chance. It may be true to conclude that we choose our friends but there are many reasons why we may sub-consciously choose the people we hang out with. The ratio of which we choose our friends goes as the following: 50% chance, 25% your choice, 25% their choice.

There are many reasons why someone would want to hang out and just chill with someone else.

- Enjoys his/her company.

- Shares common interest. Be it interest in the same type of gals or guys, or interest in the same type of sports or probably seeming to have the same type of mentality or wavelength there has to be some kind of mutual or common interest that binds the two people that seemingly considers themselves to be friends.

- One of the party has done a certain amount of sacrifice that has receive recognition by the other party which generates a certain kind of bond between the both of them which is a result of gratefulness.

- One of the party seems to recognise that the other party is someone really worth being in a close relationship with. Whatever the reason is be it financial benefits, or power benefits, these friendship is a result of wanting something from the other person. Thus one party will do anything that is within his or her frame of mind to generate friendship and bond between the both of them. Be it faking common interest or making up some sort of sacrifice in order to increase the intensity of the bond.

- Mutual or perfectly sound reasoning towards rekindling a certain friendship which has no sort of much common interest due to perfectly mutual reasons. For example Sarah and Jane have been friends since they were four years old. When the both of them reach the age of seventeen, their friendship begans to crumple little day by day due to mentality differences and lack in common interest. However, they still try their very best to preserve the friendship because the friendship has been so long. They then result in trying to be interested in the certain interest that the both of them do not share. This is a friendship thats base on a long term friendship.

- One sided friendship. The friendship in which one party is willing to do almost everything for the other person in the name of friendship but the other person does seem to share the same particular mentality. The reason by which the other party does'nt end the friendship is under the pretext that he or she is trying to be nice...

- A strong bonded relationship which is generally very very very hard to find. This is a friendship which is generally considerered to be very long, which was first base on common interest and then after a certain amount of time the bond grew in the form by which both parties are willing to do almost anything for the other. Sacrifice are performed under the grounds of friendship due to common interest, a history of friendship, and a genuine concern over each other. Such friendship are usually attained when both party realises the impact of the other on each others life. Realisation of the benefits one gets from the other without realising it. Realisation that both parties helps each other without really expecting anything much in return. Realisation that both parties have seen the best and worse of each other. A true friendship must be solely base on trust.

Below are certain quotes regarding friendship which I find to be very meaningful. They are written and said by man that are widely known due to their intellectual power.

"Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends."- Jacques Delille (1738 - 1813) French poet.

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."- Ralph Waldo Emerson .

"The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one."- Ralph Waldo Emerson .

"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."- Epicurus (341 - 270 BC) Greek philosopher.

"Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success."- Oscar Wilde.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."- Mother Teresa.

"Misfortune shows those who are not really friends."- Aristotle.

"The bird a nest,the spider a web,the man a friendship."- William Blake.

"A true friend stabs you in the front."- Oscar Wilde.

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with."- Mark Twain.

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."- Cicero.

"The friendship that can cease has never been real."- Saint Jerome.

"Too late we learn, a man must hold his friendUnjudged, accepted, trusted to the end."- John Boyle O'Reilly.

"Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."- Artistotle.

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."- Henry Ford.

"Friendship without self interest is one of the rare and beautiful things in life."- James Francis Byrnes.

"A friend to all is a friend to none."- Aristotle.

"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves." -William Arthur Ward.

"Books and friends should be few but good." Anonymous.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.Walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus (also attributed to Maimonidies).

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis.

Do not see your friend simply for who they are, but rather see them for who they can be. -CasSanNo.

People generally tend to hide their very worst and try to show their very best. As a friend, inspire their very best and enfeeble their very worst. - CasSanNo.

"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship." - Proverbs 24:26

"A friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy puts his hand round your shoulder - watch out!" - Proverbs 27:6

"The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them." - John 15:13

Conclusion.

A true friend is someone that I would give anything for. But do true friends really exist?
That solely depends on your definition of a true friend.

Have a good day.